FRANK: An old crusty Cuban sailor, with a peg leg and haunted past. Great with kids.

CONRAD: A lover and eventual fighter. From an unknown country in the British Commonwealth.

CECILIA: Conrad’s lover who hopped a bus for Dallas. Some might call her a hooker. Some.

BUDDY: Father, teacher, good hearted, outspoken and strong.

ELLEN: Mom, good hearted, levelheaded and strong.

MAXINE: Daughter and older sibling. A teenager who becomes the heroine.

CLIFF: Youngest son. Innocent and brave. About ten.

REVEREND BUTTKISS: A vitriolic, fire-and-brimstone kind of preacher.

NEWSCASTER: A reporter too good for her job. Fed up with the hypocrisy.

ENSEMBLE

SERGEANT O’MALLEY: An Irish cop. Good natured but doomed from the start. (Doubles as JUD)

DEBRA: The female cop and the brains of the duo. (Doubles as SHARK EXPERT/ HANNIBAL/SHARK)

BATHROOM SHARK: A misunderstood monster.

THE JETS MOTORCYCLE GANG

JOEY: Gay outcast. Almost a hero.

JUD: Leader of the Jets. Loves his brother and hates everyone else. Coarse and nasty. (Doubles as SHARK)

MIKE: He’s got a bat. (Doubles as SHARK)

PHIL: He’s got a chain. (Doubles as SHARK)

HANNIBAL: Eats flesh. (Doubles as SHARK)

JAX: He’s an asshole.