Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint

by Sarah Fiete

A bold new play audiences are calling "irreverent," "wholly inventive," "wildly entertaining," and "deeply thought-provoking"!

Father Thomas, a traditional Catholic priest with a special interest in holy relics, tasks young, chronically-online deacon Chet with a mission: prove that a young woman in their congregation is worthy of Sainthood. Sure, Joanie “Chase” Harrison isn’t actually dead yet (a crucial...

A bold new play audiences are calling "irreverent," "wholly inventive," "wildly entertaining," and "deeply thought-provoking"!

Father Thomas, a traditional Catholic priest with a special interest in holy relics, tasks young, chronically-online deacon Chet with a mission: prove that a young woman in their congregation is worthy of Sainthood. Sure, Joanie “Chase” Harrison isn’t actually dead yet (a crucial prerequisite for Sainthood), but her latest miracle left her in a coma that threatens to send her to her maker any day now.

While Father Thomas goes on a quest for relics, Father Chet befriends Chase's agnostic boyfriend Brad, and the two young men dive into the whirlwind of online discourse around Chase's life in an effort to convince the world she was a good person. But Brad's foray into Catholicism spurs visions from Saints past whose advice threaten to topple everything the priests have worked for.

"Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint" is a new comedy that uses the backdrop of faith to interrogate how we exist online. Behind the absurdity, it asks: what is the purpose of followers in a world that seems eager to watch you fail?

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Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint

Recommended by

  • Kara Emily Krantz: Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint by Sarah Fiete
    “

    Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint is a sharp, funny, and wonderfully irreverent exploration of faith, morality, and modern sainthood. Sarah Fiete skillfully balances satire with genuine compassion, asking timely questions about legacy, belief, and the stories we tell about goodness. The result is a thought-provoking theatrical experience that entertains while challenging audiences to examine their own assumptions.

    Nearly a Miracle, Never a Saint is a sharp, funny, and wonderfully irreverent exploration of faith, morality, and modern sainthood. Sarah Fiete skillfully balances satire with genuine compassion, asking timely questions about legacy, belief, and the stories we tell about goodness. The result is a thought-provoking theatrical experience that entertains while challenging audiences to examine their own assumptions.

    ”
FATHER CHET - Male. Mid-to-late twenties. Deacon (transitional). Manic youth pastor energy. Very pansexual. Chronically online. Definitely had a "Get Ready With Me" vlog during seminary.

FATHER THOMAS - Male. Seventies. Priest. Can't remember life as not-a-priest. Heart is in the right place, but very traditional. Has one major vice: scented candles.

CHASE - Female. Early twenties. Loving, service-oriented Catholic. Old soul but green to the world in many ways. More open-minded than most give her credit for.

BRAD - Male. Early twenties. Chase's boyfriend. A man of simple and predictable tastes - sports, hanging with friends, video games - but depth of spirit.


THE FOLLOWING FEMALE SAINTS ARE ALSO PLAYED BY THE ACTRESS PLAYING CHASE:

ST. LUCY - Blind. Charismatic. Everyone's work crush.

ST. APPOLINA - Mute. Rugged. That old biker chick at the bar who will tell it like it is.

ST. JOAN OF ARC - A girl.

There is also an offstage "Librarian" role, whose lines can be pre-recorded, performed by the Thomas or Chase actor, or be used as a cameo. There is also a world in which St. Appolina is played by an entirely different actress (but who could also double as Librarian).

Development History

  • Reading, Athena Project, 2025