Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp by Erin Proctor

*2023 O'Neill Semifinalist

Serving Ancient City Style. Alternative Canon takes the Book of Genesis and flips it on its head by asking: What if God made contact with Sarah first instead of Abraham? Complete with tiny girlbosses, deities that transcend gender, and pillars of salt; this campy comedy will show you what really goes into the nitty gritty of Intelligent Design.
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Alternative Canon: A Sacrilegious Romp

Recommended by

  • Shaun Leisher:
    8 Dec. 2023
    “ A brilliant twist on scripture. Really loved this play and this fantastic cast of characters. ”
  • Emmy Kuperschmid:
    16 May. 2023
    “ Wow I loved this. Proctor brilliantly balances irreverent humor and genuinely heart breaking human moments to bring new life and perspective to a tale we may think we already know. God may have a 5,000 year plan, but can we still change our stories?

    (You know that meme that's like I WOULD GO TO SCHOOL IF THIS WAS THE TEXTBOOK? That, but with organized religion if this play was the text.) ”
  • Lucy Lopez:
    2 Mar. 2023
    “ I had the immense pleasure of watching this piece be performed this year. This piece is so well written. Erin pushes the envelope with showcasing a well known Bible story into a absurdly funny journey. There are plenty of hearfelt (and gut wrenching moments) that keep viewers on the edge of their seats. ”
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Character Information

Characters can be doubled.

  • Sarai/Sarah
    20s to play 19-45,
    Female
    Young bride to Avram. Afflicted with headaches, caused by voices in her head. New to the household of Terah, Avram’s father. The second child and only daughter to a high ranking priest, she is a little spoiled. In love with Hagar.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Female
  • Hagar
    20s to play 20-46,
    Female
    Handmaiden to Sarai. Sarai’s friend and confidant. They were raised together. Very smart and intuitive. Very no-nonsense and no bullshit. Madly in love with Sarai.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Female
  • God
    Eternal,
    genderless and uses they/them
    Genderless and ageless. the top banana. Has a Five Thousand Year Plan. Kind of a dick.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      Any adult age
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Any gender
  • Avram/Abraham
    30s to play 30-56,
    Male
    Older groom to Sarai. About ten years older. Kind of dumpy. Kind of gross. A total loser. A meninist sometimes. Just a Reddit guy you fucking hate. Like we get it.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s, 30s, 40s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Male
  • Metatron
    Eternal,
    Genderless but uses he/him
    Eternal. An Angel of the Lord. Always wears sunglasses because if a mortal looks into his eyes they will turn to a pillar of salt. Gabriel’s husband.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      Any adult age
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Any gender
  • Gabriel
    Eternal,
    Genderless but uses he/him
    Eternal. An Angel of the Lord. He doesn’t understand many human concepts, but he tries. Easily annoyed. Metatron’s husband.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      Any adult age
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Any gender
  • Terah
    50+,
    Male
    Avram’s father. Sells idols of gods for a living. Can be doubled with Michael.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      Any adult age
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Male, Non-binary
  • Nahor
    20s to play 25-40s,
    Male
    Avram’s cute younger brother. Kind of a simp. Kind of a himbo. Plays on the rugby team. All the girls in Ur want to wive him up. He likes to fuck but he’ll treat you right. Doubled with Ishmael.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s, 30s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Male, Non-binary
  • Michael
    Eternal,
    Genderless but uses he/him
    Angel of the Lord. Also an actor. Also obnoxious.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      Any adult age
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Any gender
  • Mary
    16 ,
    Female
    Played by the same actress who plays Sarah. Totally a virgin.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Female
  • Lot's Wife
    20s ,
    Female
    a beautiful young woman named Edith. Married to Lot. A woman with a big heart.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Female
  • Lot
    20s ,
    Male
    Terah’s grandson. Nephew to Avram, Sarai, and Nahor. A handsome young man just beginning his life. Lives in the city of Sodom with his wife Edith.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Male
  • Ishmael
    6 but played by an adult,
    Male
    6 years old but played by the same actor who plays Nahor. son of Hagar and Abraham. Sarah discovers she is barren, and desperately wanting a child, instructs Abraham to conceive a child with her. He’s a cute little kid. Sarah dotes on him.
    Can be played by:
    • Age: 
      20s
    • Race/Ethnicity: 
      Any race/ethnicity
    • Gender: 
      Any gender

Development History

Production History

  • Professional
    ,
    LakeHouseRanchDotPng
    ,
    2023
  • Workshop
    ,
    Round the Bend Theatre Company
    ,
    2022

Awards