Kill the Critic!

Now available from Heuer Publishing! 2nd place in the McLaren Memorial Comedy Playwriting Competition.

It's 1955, and Trevor Stanton is an ambitious young actor about to make his Broadway debut. There's just one problem: Bertram Finch, New York City's most powerful theatre critic. Bertram has never liked Trevor's work, and it's guaranteed that the infamous Barracuda of Broadway will use the occasion to pen a...

Now available from Heuer Publishing! 2nd place in the McLaren Memorial Comedy Playwriting Competition.

It's 1955, and Trevor Stanton is an ambitious young actor about to make his Broadway debut. There's just one problem: Bertram Finch, New York City's most powerful theatre critic. Bertram has never liked Trevor's work, and it's guaranteed that the infamous Barracuda of Broadway will use the occasion to pen a scathing, career-destroying review.

The solution is obvious. Trevor kidnaps Bertram and plans to hide him in his dressing room until the next day, preventing the critic from writing his review. But when Bertram begs for a drink, Trevor accidentally switches the bottle of rat poison in which his boozing co-star Jack keeps his scotch with a real bottle of rat poison.

By the time Trevor realizes his mistake, it's too late. Tortured groans emanate from the wardrobe where Trevor has stashed his victim, and as a parade of outrageous characters make their way to his dressing room, Trevor must take increasingly desperate measures to hide his horrible deed.

Only at the end, when a pair of bumbling cops arrive to arrest Trevor, does Bertram prove to be the greatest actor of them all...

Run Time: 80-90 minutes

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Kill the Critic!

Cast of 9 (4M, 3F, plus 2 roles that can be any).


CAST OF CHARACTERS (# of lines)

BERTRAM FINCH, arrogant theatre critic; wields his wit like a scalpel, 40's to 60's (78)

TREVOR STANTON, actor, highly strung with violent tendencies, 20's (511)

JACK MANN, wisecracking actor, likes his scotch, 40's to 60's (172)

SYLVIA ALCOTT, grand dame of the stage, prone to jealous, 40's to 60's (96)

MELANIE MONZONI, ditzy socialite, equally jealous, 20's (123)

TONI MONZONI, professional "exterminator" and Melanie's father, 40's to 50's (60)

ROGER BANCROFT, stage manager, terminally frantic, 20's to 40's (35)

OFFICER KIMBALL, hard-headed cop, 40's to 50's (48)

OFFICER SCHWEBNICK, soft-headed cop, 20's to 30's (25)

Development History

  • Type Reading, Organization Theatre of Note, Los Angeles, CA, Year 2016
  • Type Reading, Organization McLaren Comedy Festival, Midland, TX, Year 2013

Production History

  • Type Community Theater, Organization Hawkeye Community Theatre, Fort Dodge, IA, Year 2026
  • Type Community Theater, Organization Stage Presence Players, Austin, TX, Year 2015
  • Type Community Theater, Organization Black Box Theatre, Colorado Springs, CO, Year 2013
  • Type Community Theater, Organization Tri-Lakes Center for the Performing Arts, Palmer Lake, CO, Year 2013

Awards

  • Annual Play Contest
    Rover Dramawerks, Plano, TX
    Finalist
    2014
  • Robert J. Pickering Award for Playwriting Excellence
    Branch County Community Theatre, Coldwater, MI
    Runner Up
    2013
  • McLaren Memorial Comedy Playwriting Competition
    Midland Community Theatre, Midland, TX
    Runner Up
    2013