Equity (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans)

by Chris Barlow

Picture if you will: A not-too-distant future where artists delinquent on their student loans are paid a visit by the mysterious Man from the Bank, a hard-working functionary who repossesses whatever equity he can (surgically, if necessary). Then picture the listless housewife who "hires" one of these failed artists as her pool boy (slash boy toy). Sure it sounds torrid, but Whoopi and Joy on The View say it’s...

Picture if you will: A not-too-distant future where artists delinquent on their student loans are paid a visit by the mysterious Man from the Bank, a hard-working functionary who repossesses whatever equity he can (surgically, if necessary). Then picture the listless housewife who "hires" one of these failed artists as her pool boy (slash boy toy). Sure it sounds torrid, but Whoopi and Joy on The View say it’s all the rage! And besides, all Corinne has to do is sign on the dotted line...

It's a brave new world where anything is possible, but only if your credit rating says so. Scrawny young Sam's years of studying in the fine arts of cartooning and illustration have been lobotomized right out of his head, but his arrival turns perpetually-bored Corinne's lust for, well, *lust* into a lust for a new life when she tries to restore his artistic ambition by borrowing some talent from the bank. What could possibly go wrong in a world where nothing goes right unless you're willing to pay the price?

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Equity (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans)

Recommended by

  • Larry Rinkel: Equity (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans) by Chris Barlow
    “

    What a delightful, fresh, and original play. Chris Barlow is evidently a recent MFA, but please don't hold that against him. "Equity" moves along with consummate grace and mastery, with three generous roles (The Man From the Bank especially), and a deftly plotted story line that by the end feels both unexpected and inevitable. Pay particular attention to the Dramatis Personae and how their names should be displayed in the program, as that's an essential element of the comedy. And please produce this gem of a play before pool boy Sam paints his next painting!

    What a delightful, fresh, and original play. Chris Barlow is evidently a recent MFA, but please don't hold that against him. "Equity" moves along with consummate grace and mastery, with three generous roles (The Man From the Bank especially), and a deftly plotted story line that by the end feels both unexpected and inevitable. Pay particular attention to the Dramatis Personae and how their names should be displayed in the program, as that's an essential element of the comedy. And please produce this gem of a play before pool boy Sam paints his next painting!

    ”
  • Playwrights Foundation: Equity (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans) by Chris Barlow
    “

    Playwrights Foundation enthusiastically recommends this play EQUITY (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans), as a Semi-Finalist for the Bay Area Playwrights Festival 2020. We were moved by the quality of the writing and the relevant and compelling themes that spoke to the mission of our festival. It excelled in a competitive process of 735 plays submitted this year and rose to the top after a six month long process discussing its merits with both national and local Bay Area readers, and we hope it moves swiftly towards production.

    Playwrights Foundation enthusiastically recommends this play EQUITY (Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Student Loans), as a Semi-Finalist for the Bay Area Playwrights Festival 2020. We were moved by the quality of the writing and the relevant and compelling themes that spoke to the mission of our festival. It excelled in a competitive process of 735 plays submitted this year and rose to the top after a six month long process discussing its merits with both national and local Bay Area readers, and we hope it moves swiftly towards production.

    ”

Character Information

3 Speaking Roles (2M/1F) and 1-2 Non-Speaking Roles (any gender).
  • The Man From the Bank
    A rational man. Has a good job.
    Adult
    Any
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Male
  • The Gardener
    Can be double cast with the Bank Teller and the Orderlies.
    Any
    Any
    Any
  • A Bank Teller
    Can be double cast with the Gardener and the Orderlies.
    Any
    Any
    Any
  • The Orderlies (1-2)
    1-2 orderlies. Can be double cast with the Gardener and the Bank Teller.
    Any
    Any
    Any
  • The Bank Manager
    The Man From the Bank's boss. Does not appear in the play, but should be listed in the program (feel free to make up an actors name).
    Any
    Any
    Any
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Sam Bennett
    A failed cartoonist. Has an MFA.
    20s-30s
    Any
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Male
  • Croinee Halverson
    A lonely housewife. Has a pool.
    30s-60s
    Any
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Female

Development History

  • Workshop, New York University/Public Theater Collaboration Reloaded, 2014