The Bible in 60 Seconds

by Jarred Corona

One-act. Velociraptors. Catboys. The Sims. Oh, and angels and sin and God, I guess. That's what you get when a group of actors speed through an absurdist version of the Bible.

One-act. Velociraptors. Catboys. The Sims. Oh, and angels and sin and God, I guess. That's what you get when a group of actors speed through an absurdist version of the Bible.

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The Bible in 60 Seconds

Character Information

Roles can be played by as few or as many actors as you want. Throw in extras in scenes, give them useless exclamations, whatever you feel like as long as you're not messing with the text of the show.
  • Samson
    A dude with pretty hair
  • Jacob
    Esau's tricky little brother
  • Joseph (of the coat)
    Mr. Popularity at the Disco
  • Pharaoh
    Evil Egyptian ruler
  • Moses
    Plague master supreme
  • Goliath
    A giant
  • David
    A giant slayer
  • Esther
    She who be feastin'
  • Solomon
    OG Mr. Wise Guy
  • Esau
    A hairy fella
  • Delilah
    A hairdresser in disguise
  • Naomi
    Bit of a bitter widow
  • Ruth
    The epitome of kindness
  • Ezekiel
    A terrified prophet
  • Joseph (of the car therapists)
    Jesus' dad
  • Mary
    Jesus' mom
  • Jesus
    God part 2
    Played by God
  • Judas
    A sussy gamer
  • Cat
    A cat who goes to Adam with a dispute
  • Narrator
    A Narrator
  • Star
    A star. Not like a celebrity but like a gaseous ball of horrifying nuclear reactions.
  • Fish
    A useless, smelly creature
  • Dinosaur
    A dinosaur with tiny arms
  • Velociraptor
    An insane dinosaur who is very bitey
  • Adam
    The first man and also the first furry
  • Eve
    The first woman, Adam's more normal wife
  • Mushroom
    A terrifying affront to creation
  • God
    The Abrahamic God
    Infinite
    Any
  • Lion
    A lion who be lyin'
  • Bird
    A bird, cockroach of the skies
  • Snake/Lucifer
    A slippery, slimy, tiny, ugly, stupid little dragon snake boy. Also called Lucifer
  • Noah
    He who be building boats
  • Unicorn
    A unicorn from New Jersey who wants on the Arc
  • Bigfoot
    A cryptid who maybe existed since the creation of the Earth. She's like so totally excited to join the boat party
  • Abraham
    A dude named Abram who hates ham and was therefore bullied with the name Abraham forever
  • Isaac
    Abraham's innocent, annoying child