Everything in Australia Can Kill You

Music, Lyrics, and Book by Benjamin Kaye-Skinner

Additional Lyrics by Phil Malcom
Additional Music by Tomás Campbell, Trey Dugger, and Ken Topham
Book by Ben Kaye-Skinner, Phil Malcom, and Aaron Holmes
Graphic Design by Ken Topham

Bruce Vickers and Sheila Hackett are tasked with developing Tourism Australia’s Tourism 2018 campaign. After discovering a series of online memes claiming that everything in Australia can kill you, they petition their boss and perennial job-hopper Scott Morrison to host a group of tourists for a journey across the country as a PR ploy.

Once the tourists arrive, no one is safe. Before the trip even begins, a...

Bruce Vickers and Sheila Hackett are tasked with developing Tourism Australia’s Tourism 2018 campaign. After discovering a series of online memes claiming that everything in Australia can kill you, they petition their boss and perennial job-hopper Scott Morrison to host a group of tourists for a journey across the country as a PR ploy.

Once the tourists arrive, no one is safe. Before the trip even begins, a maple-syrup-flavored bloodbath taints the prospect of an idyllic journey. Throughout their travels across southern Australia, the group sings, discovers, and flirts with disaster in cities, the ocean, and the Outback. As Bruce wonders if the trip is cursed, the audience is left to wonder if Bruce and Sheila will ever be able to let their true feelings for each other out of their mouths.

Bodies start to pile up, and the climax of the show reveals an excessively-planned scheme to discredit the Land Down Under and push the rest of the world to turn their backs on the Lucky Country. Does this spell the end of the tourism industry in Australia? Who is really behind the online campaign to demonize their beautiful land? And what is a barbecued snag?

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Everything in Australia Can Kill You

Character Information

In the original production the tourists’ first names were the actors’ first names. Future productions may choose to follow this nomenclature or stick to the names in the script.

Additional cast may be added as chorus members and background actors.
  • Bruce Vickers
    Half of the marketing team for Tourism Australia. Fancies himself a decent songwriter.

    Sings tenor.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian
    Character Gender Identity
    Male
  • Shelia Hackett
    The other half of the team. Knows a lot about Australia; not so much about social interactions.

    Sings mezzo soprano.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian
    Character Gender Identity
    female
  • Scott Morrison
    Director of Tourism and so many other things. Not yet Prime Minister.

    Sings baritone.
    Character Age
    50
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian,
    White
    Character Gender Identity
    Male
  • Alex
    Concerned about the crazy things he’s seen in YouTube videos. Can be portrayed as any gender.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Canadian
    Character Gender Identity
    Male
  • Ian
    The annoying reality show inspired survivalist
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    American
    Character Gender Identity
    Male
  • Yetta
    Searching for inspiration for her art. Most recently she finds herself at home in the mountains of Azerbaijan. Does not understand Australian slang. Often corrects others; usually wrong.

    Can be portrayed as any gender.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Universal
  • Heather
    Most likable, charismatic, well-developed tourist. Sociology professor from Austria.

    Can be portrayed as any gender.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Austrian
  • Ben
    A French child who thought he was going to summer camp for fat kids.

    Can be portrayed as any gender.
    Character Age
    Teenager
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    French
  • Kalyn
    New Zealish spy. Claims she's from the small island of Arlin nd Tosh (that’s an anagram for North Island… KIWI ALERT!)
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    New Zealander
    Character Gender Identity
    Female
  • Narrator
    In a staged reading, the stage directions are read by the narrator.
  • Nurse
    Knowledgeable but murderously inept healthcare worker at the bush hospital. May be played by a tourist other than HEATHER.

    Sings baritone.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian
  • Ranger
    Chases a chlamydial Koala and saves the day. Is barely thanked for his efforts. May be played by ALEX or IAN.
    Character Age
    Adult
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian
  • Drop Bear
    A drop bear. Or is it? May be played by a tourist other than KALYN.
    Character Race/Ethnic Identity
    Australian

Development History

  • Type Reading, Organization Vermont College of Fine Arts, Year 2024

Production History

  • Type Fringe, Organization Geneva Arts Council, Year 2025