Helen Pants on Fire

by Sharon Goldner

This crazy original comedy asks the question, what if Helen Keller wasn't really blind and deaf? What if it was a huge hoax dreamed up by her father, Capt. Keller, who was on the Confederate losing side of the Civil War (which is actually true), and in order to reclaim the good Keller name and legacy, he created this whole farce. What if Annie Sullivan went along with it, but now that Helen's grown up and Annie...

This crazy original comedy asks the question, what if Helen Keller wasn't really blind and deaf? What if it was a huge hoax dreamed up by her father, Capt. Keller, who was on the Confederate losing side of the Civil War (which is actually true), and in order to reclaim the good Keller name and legacy, he created this whole farce. What if Annie Sullivan went along with it, but now that Helen's grown up and Annie has grown older, Annie is having second thoughts. Add a dose of Helen Keller having sex (lots of it), and you have a daring, fearless, dark comedy that takes an audience on a trip they never knew they wanted to be on!

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Helen Pants on Fire

Recommended by

  • Kara Emily Krantz: Helen Pants on Fire by Sharon Goldner
    “

    Helen Pants on Fire is a fearless, provocative reimagining of Helen Keller that gleefully dismantles myth, hero worship, and historical certainty. Sharon Goldner combines sharp satire, intellectual playfulness, and theatrical audacity to challenge what we think we know about icons, truth, and legacy. A bold conversation-starter that refuses to play it safe and rewards audiences willing to embrace its irreverent spirit.

    Helen Pants on Fire is a fearless, provocative reimagining of Helen Keller that gleefully dismantles myth, hero worship, and historical certainty. Sharon Goldner combines sharp satire, intellectual playfulness, and theatrical audacity to challenge what we think we know about icons, truth, and legacy. A bold conversation-starter that refuses to play it safe and rewards audiences willing to embrace its irreverent spirit.

    ”

Character Information

2 males.
3 females.
Diversity in casting.
  • Helen Keller
    Helen enjoys sex and is unapologetic about it.
    Bold.
    Sassy.
    mid-late 30s
    White
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      30s,
      40s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Annie Sullivan
    protective of Helen. trying to be a good Christian woman. anxious.
    early 50s.
    Any
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      50s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Mrs. Keller
    "ghost or spirit." loves her daughter but hates her husband (they bicker constantly).
    70's
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Capt. Keller
    ghost or spirit. he was a captain during the Civil War on the Confederate side. contentious with his wife. adores his daughter, Helen.
    70's
    Any
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man
  • Gentleman Caller 15
    has sex with Helen Keller. a little bumbling. is he excited just because he's having sex with Helen Keller or does he genuinely like her?
    30s-40s
    BIPOC
    Any
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      30s,
      40s
    • Actor Race/Ethnic Identity
      Asian, Pacific Islander, or Asian American,
      Black, African, Caribbean, or African American,
      Indigenous, First Nation, or Native American,
      Latinx/o/a or Hispanic,
      Middle Eastern, North African, or Arab American,
      Native Hawaiian and Other Pacific Islander,
      South Asian or South Asian American
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man