Ahoy-hoy: A Play About That Relatable Feeling When Someone Else Invents the Telephone Three Hours Before You Do

by Jenny Stafford

It’s 1876 and also, right now. Elisha Gray is this close to inventing the telephone. He’s brilliant, anxious, and ready to make history… if Alexander Graham Bell doesn’t beat him to it. Spoiler: He kind of does. Two oversized egos. One telephone. A battle of beards and bell tones. Ahoy-hoy is a deliriously unhinged, unapologetic sprint through American ambition, innovation, and the absurd quest for legacy.

It’s 1876 and also, right now. Elisha Gray is this close to inventing the telephone. He’s brilliant, anxious, and ready to make history… if Alexander Graham Bell doesn’t beat him to it. Spoiler: He kind of does. Two oversized egos. One telephone. A battle of beards and bell tones. Ahoy-hoy is a deliriously unhinged, unapologetic sprint through American ambition, innovation, and the absurd quest for legacy.

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Ahoy-hoy: A Play About That Relatable Feeling When Someone Else Invents the Telephone Three Hours Before You Do

Recommended by

  • Stephen Spotswood: Ahoy-hoy: A Play About That Relatable Feeling When Someone Else Invents the Telephone Three Hours Before You Do by Jenny Stafford
    “

    I had the pleasure of seeing this at Florida Rep's PlayLab and it absolutely killed. It's smart, quick, and so so very funny. It's one of those shows that's a joy to be in the audience for. I can't wait to see a full production.

    I had the pleasure of seeing this at Florida Rep's PlayLab and it absolutely killed. It's smart, quick, and so so very funny. It's one of those shows that's a joy to be in the audience for. I can't wait to see a full production.

    ”
  • Kenneth Jones: Ahoy-hoy: A Play About That Relatable Feeling When Someone Else Invents the Telephone Three Hours Before You Do by Jenny Stafford
    “

    AHOY HOY is an unexpected comic romp that has the tang of the best of Christopher Durang, with big dollops of "The Tracey Ulmann Show," "SNL" and "Oh, Mary." (While fiercely being its own thing.) It flirts with big ideas about male ego, ambition, narcissism and the mutability of legacy. Plus, it's bonkers funny. Music gives it helium but I won't spoil that twist. I caught it in a fizzy reading directed by Celine Rosenthal at Florida Rep's 2026 PlayLab. Can't wait to see it everywhere one day.

    AHOY HOY is an unexpected comic romp that has the tang of the best of Christopher Durang, with big dollops of "The Tracey Ulmann Show," "SNL" and "Oh, Mary." (While fiercely being its own thing.) It flirts with big ideas about male ego, ambition, narcissism and the mutability of legacy. Plus, it's bonkers funny. Music gives it helium but I won't spoil that twist. I caught it in a fizzy reading directed by Celine Rosenthal at Florida Rep's 2026 PlayLab. Can't wait to see it everywhere one day.

    ”

Character Information

A note on casting: Each of these roles can (and should) be cast with actors of any ethnicity and gender identity. Actors with the strongest comedy and lip-synching chops should make up this cast.

  • Elisha Gray
    Elisha Gray: 30s. An inventor trying to invent the telephone. Egotistical, insecure, desperate, brilliant, frustrated.

    A note on casting: Each of these roles can (and should) be cast with actors of any ethnicity and gender identity. Actors with the strongest comedy and lip-synching chops should make up this cast.

    30s-40s
  • Alexander Graham Bell
    Alexander Graham Bell: 30s. An inventor trying to invent the telephone. Egotistical, pampered, in love with himself.

    A note on casting: Each of these roles can (and should) be cast with actors of any ethnicity and gender identity. Actors with the strongest comedy and lip-synching chops should make up this cast.

    30s-40s
  • Cornelius
    Cornelius, 20s-30s: Elisha’s eager assistant. Ambitious, hopeful, insecure, a major fanboy.

    A note on casting: Each of these roles can (and should) be cast with actors of any ethnicity and gender identity. Actors with the strongest comedy and lip-synching chops should make up this cast.

    20s-30s
  • Wilbur from the Patent Office
    Wilbur from the Patent Office: 30s. Kind, unsteady, a secret game show host inside of him.

    A note on casting: Each of these roles can (and should) be cast with actors of any ethnicity and gender identity. Actors with the strongest comedy and lip-synching chops should make up this cast.

    30s-50s

Development History

  • Reading, SOMA Stage, 2026
  • Reading, Urbanite Theatre Modern Works Festival, 2025
  • Reading, Lemonade Stand Theatre, 2025

Awards

  • Urbanite Theatre Modern Works Festival
    Audience Choice
    2025
  • O'Neill Playwriting Conference
    Semi-Finalist
    2025