Alan Kilpatrick

The year is 1909. The place is London. DOCTOR ABRAHAM VAN HELSING, the famous dispatcher of COUNT DRACULA, is called out of retirement to investigate a mysterious woman who is now confined to the HAMILTON INSTITUTE FOR THE CRIMINALLY INSANE.
Arrested for the murder of several children, this inmate is revealed as a former actress named LILLIAN MARKOVA who seems to have a haunting connection to Van Helsing's past. But is she really a vampire or simply a mentally ill patient? Thus, begins a dangerous cat and mouse game between the ageing VAN HELSING and the alluring creature held within the hospital walls. A conflict which will test all of VAN HELSING’S prior knowledge about Vampires.

Set in 1937, at the Quatre Mares asylum in northern France:
Inmate ANTONIN ARTAUD convinces DOCTOR BRUCKNER that the only effective cure for the depressed murderess LOUISE LAPIN is to re-enact a certain traumatic scene from the film, “The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari.” A precipitous decision which will lead to catastrophic results.

The year is 1849. As guests gather to pay their respects on the one year anniversary of Edgar Allan
Poe’s death, they are suddenly confronted by an uninvited visitor - C. Auguste Dupin. Why has Poe’s literary invention come among them? Is it to investigate his creator’s mysterious death or is there some other motive?

The year is 1849. As guests gather to pay their respects on the one year anniversary of Edgar Allan
Poe’s death, they are suddenly confronted by an uninvited visitor - C. Auguste Dupin. Why has Poe’s literary invention come among them? Is it to investigate his creator’s mysterious death or is there some other motive?

She walked in the shadow of history’s most mysterious and
controversial figure - Cagliostro. But who was she, this woman born as
Lorenza Feliciani: Cagliostro’s devoted and loving wife? Or a callous
whore driven by greed and a taste for the good life? Lorenza Feliciani
aka Serafina Cagliostro, is held prisoner at the St. Apollonia
Convent. She is offered her freedom in exchange for betraying her
husband. Will she do it?

A Choctaw elder recalls an incident from her childhood when she,
as a little girl, was clever enough, and courageous enough to
defeat a supernatural entity threatening her community.

A Choctaw elder recalls an incident from her childhood when she,
as a little girl, was clever enough, and courageous enough to
defeat a supernatural entity threatening her community.

THE CONGO GAME explores the psyche of LEOPOLD II, the nineteenth century tyrant, who ruthlessly exploited the native populations of Africa to satisfy his desire to build BELGIUM into a world power. As he dines with the explorer HENRY MORTON STANLEY, we get a snapshot of the Belgium King’s murderous exploitation of the Congo as well as a glimpse of his troubled relationship with CLEMENTINE, his youngest daughter.

THE CONGO GAME explores the psyche of LEOPOLD II, the nineteenth century tyrant, who ruthlessly exploited the native populations of Africa to satisfy his desire to build BELGIUM into a world power. As he dines with the explorer HENRY MORTON STANLEY, we get a snapshot of the Belgium King’s murderous exploitation of the Congo as well as a glimpse of his troubled relationship with CLEMENTINE, his youngest daughter.

Body odor threatens the friendship between two committed Germaphobes.

During World War I, CHARLES NAGY, a Detective Inspector from
Budapest, searches for two missing widows who have disappeared
after arranging a tryst with a certain Herr Hoffmann. The
investigation leads to Herr Hoffman’s house where the detective
finds a secret room, seven metal containers filled with human
remains, and a rather unusual housekeeper, MADAME JAKUBEC.
Taken into custody, the detective must now determine whether
MADAME JAKUBEC was just another innocent victim of Herr Hoffmann
or a willing accomplice to these crimes.

Professor Sergei Kaminsky, a noted expert on the "Butcher of
Minsk" serial murders, champions the release of a man he believes
has been falsely charged with the crimes. Opposing him is Major
Natasha Baranski, an ambitious police official who is suspicious
of the criminologist’s motives. Kaminski’s life begins to unravel
when he is approached by the accused’s girlfriend who, believing
that Kaminski is the real culprit, creates a fantastic and
dangerous plan to free the prisoner. She wants him to commit
another Butcher murder - this time on her.

BOB and EARL are professional pickpockets who work the metro system as a three man team. When PEETIE, their third man, becomes ill, they must rely on SAMMIE, a newcomer who claims to be PEETIE’S FRIEND.

Dying of cancer, Hugh Thicket is given an Android caretaker
who is adept at meeting his physical needs. But what about
his emotional needs?

RICHARD LIPINSKI releases a jaguar from a Barcelona zoo believing that the animal is a trapped incarnation of a three hundred year old Jesuit priest. DR. GOODAY, a middle-aged Spanish psychiatrist must try to make sense out of this outrageous act.

When CLIVE GECKLE attempts to return a box of undersized
men’s underwear, things get complicated.

A MAN is forced by his mate to offer a formal apology to a garden snail.

Mental health issues erupt when a desperate female writer
invades a literary agent’s office to retrieve her long
lost manuscript.

Xenophobia reigns as DR. SOLTANI, a middle-
eastern psychiatrist and HENRIETTA COCKBURN, a
belligerent London Police officer, engage in a
complex game of cat and mouse over the mysteri-
ous contents of an orphaned suitcase found at
Heathrow Airport.

JUAN PORTIS, a homely, middle-aged zookeeper in Barcelona, insulates his lonely life by swearing off women and cigarettes. His closest friend is a 300 pound jaguar named Omar. The zookeeper’s self imposed exile is suddenly shattered by the arrival of Gabriela De La Vega, a Venezuelan fireball whom he hires as a day nurse to care for his invalid mother, and Richard Yushefsky, a young American, who’s obsessed with the idea that Omar is really the modern incarnation of a three hundred year old Italian priest. When Yushefsky presses the harried zookeeper to release the imprisoned animal it sets into motion a series of chaotic misadventures which forces PORTIS to reexamine the meaning of his life.

SAM HASKINS, 50s, handyman.
MRS. JUDITH DIAL, 40s, spinster.
SHERI KENDRICKS, 50s, SAM’S Sister.
MRS. TIPPET, 70s, widow and grieving mother of three lost
children.
JAMIE BASS, 50s, SAM’S childhood friend.

A famous movie star, set for her stage comeback, suffers a nervous
breakdown during rehearsals. She seeks help from a therapist who
specializes in performance anxiety.

Fleeing her past as a nurse’s aide at a nursing home in Eden Prairie, Minnesota, SISSY THORNTON visits her ex-lover, DARLA GREY WORTHINGTON, who’s living in a trailer park in West Texas. SISSY’s hoping to rekindle their former romance as well as find refuge from her troubled past.However, these dreams are soon thwarted when EARL GREY, (DARLA’S ex- husband) shows up - things get nasty as the topic turns to some stolen jewelry belonging to some elderly patients who died under mysterious circumstances at the retirement home where both SISSY and DARLA were employed.

This two character comedy is set in DR. KRIMPER’S PAIN CLINIC where MS. ZOE’s GULAGER’S loyalty and faith is put to the test by MR. WACKER, a demanding sado-masochistic client.

Sexual secrets are revealed when handyman IGOR KABALEVSKY goes to fix MYRTLE DEBITAGE’S kitchen light.

When GOD decrees procreation in the Garden of Eden, things get a bit complicated for ADAM and EVE.

An American Embassy in the war-torn Middle East - chaos ensues when the Ambassador’s wife is gripped by the spirit of Crazy Horse - in a vision she is commanded to reenact Custer’s Last Stand as a theatrical performance but give it a happy, upbeat ending. Marine Corporal NORMAN HAYES must exploit his Native American past to placate her fantasy and survive his posting.

A Lenape chief trades land with the Dutch– but first, he insists on observing the appropriate "customs."

JOKE: What’s worst than an old dictator?
PUNCHLINE: Two old dictators.
What happens to the powerful when they become powerless?
Sparks fly when SADDAM HUSSEIN and FIDEL CASTRO are forced
to become roommates at the Home for Defunct Dictators.