Kathryn Funkhouser

Kathryn Funkhouser

Kathryn Funkhouser is a writer of plays, prose, and lyrics. Plays published by Stage Partners: How (Not) To Be a Wizard (with Jason Pizzarello and Patrick Greene), Will You Be My Nemesis?, Beware the House on Haunted Hill! (with Matthew Byrd), Knock Knock (with Jason Pizzarello), and The Collector (in Rogues’ Gallery), The Bargain (in Ten(ish): Comedies). Musical published by Beat by Beat Press: Imagine A...
Kathryn Funkhouser is a writer of plays, prose, and lyrics. Plays published by Stage Partners: How (Not) To Be a Wizard (with Jason Pizzarello and Patrick Greene), Will You Be My Nemesis?, Beware the House on Haunted Hill! (with Matthew Byrd), Knock Knock (with Jason Pizzarello), and The Collector (in Rogues’ Gallery), The Bargain (in Ten(ish): Comedies). Musical published by Beat by Beat Press: Imagine A Dragon (librettist and co-lyricist). Plays published by Playscripts: Careless People: A Great Gatsby, Double Double, Unbreakable Timmy Cratchit (with Tyler Dwiggins), Do You Read Me?, Weekend Warriors (in A Simpler Time), and Badger Poison (in The Alibis). Her articles and essays have appeared in publications such as The Toast, McSweeney's Internet Tendency, The Atlantic, and The Nation. BA Drew University. Member of Athena Writes (2018) and Project Y Theater Writer’s Group (2018-2019). She lives in Brooklyn with a lot of original cast albums.

Plays

  • Beware the House on Haunted Hill! by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    9
    ·
    Genre: adaptation, comedy + 4 more
    ·
    Keyword: halloween, 1950s horror + 6 more
    Genre: adaptation, comedy, dark comedy, farce, mystery/thriller, period
    Keyword: halloween, 1950s horror, murder mystery comedy, Ensemble Comedy, halloween comedy, Haunted House, community theatre, colleges and high schools
    FULL-LENGTH, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script cowritten with Matthew Byrd available to read online for free at https://yourstagepartners.com/beware-the-house-on-haunted-hill

    Come to the party…stay if you dare. An eccentric millionaire promises six guests a mysterious prize if they can survive the night at the only truly haunted house in the world. Everyone invited has a few skeletons in...
    FULL-LENGTH, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script cowritten with Matthew Byrd available to read online for free at https://yourstagepartners.com/beware-the-house-on-haunted-hill

    Come to the party…stay if you dare. An eccentric millionaire promises six guests a mysterious prize if they can survive the night at the only truly haunted house in the world. Everyone invited has a few skeletons in their closets though, and screwball scares lurk around every corner. The classic 50s horror movie HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL becomes a campy whodunnit in this low-tech stage adaptation. Join us at the House on Haunted Hill - it’ll be a SCREAM.

    Adapted by Matthew Byrd & Kathryn Funkhouser from the 1959 film HOUSE ON HAUNTED HILL, written by Robb White, directed by William Castle, starring Vincent Price
  • Careless People: A Great Gatsby by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    7–40
    ·
    Genre: adaptation, dark comedy + 2 more
    ·
    Keyword: gatsby, high school + 5 more
    Genre: adaptation, dark comedy, drama, period
    Keyword: gatsby, high school, teen actors, high school appropriate, responsibility, power, memory
    FULL-LENGTH, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS- https://www.playscripts.com/play/5221
    An ensemble-activated, flexible adaptation of The Great Gatsby with minimal production elements and staging that makes memory into movement.
    ***
    Gatsby's party is over, but Nick Carraway is the one who has to clean up. It's not easy to gather the empty glasses and abandoned shoes when each evokes a...
    FULL-LENGTH, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS- https://www.playscripts.com/play/5221
    An ensemble-activated, flexible adaptation of The Great Gatsby with minimal production elements and staging that makes memory into movement.
    ***
    Gatsby's party is over, but Nick Carraway is the one who has to clean up. It's not easy to gather the empty glasses and abandoned shoes when each evokes a memory, and the memories aren't easy to sweep away either - especially not when Jordan Baker remembers them differently. Can't repeat the past? Why, of course you can. Armed only with a few enchanted objects and the glittering words of F. Scott Fitzgerald, a shape-shifting ensemble creates the world of The Great Gatsby in this fiercely theatrical adaptation.
  • Bootstraps by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    5
    ·
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy + 3 more
    ·
    Keyword: dark comedy, reality tv + 5 more
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy, farce, political, satire
    Keyword: dark comedy, reality tv, contemporary satire, media, Politics, apprenticeship, tours-de-force
    FULL-LENGTH. The reality show Bootstraps was cancelled weeks ago, and nobody told the cast. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to be gained - and after all, chaos is easier to edit. “Everyone is equal. No one is safe.” How many lies are in that tagline? A wickedly fun dark comedy about perception, power, and the stories we tell about ourselves.
  • Yellow Wallpaper by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    6–30
    ·
    Genre: adaptation, drama + 5 more
    ·
    Keyword: adaptation, The Yellow Wallpaper + 3 more
    Genre: adaptation, drama, horror, movement/physical, mystery/thriller, period, political
    Keyword: adaptation, The Yellow Wallpaper, horror, Hitchcockian, competition one-act
    ONE-ACT, PENDING PUBLICATION BY STAGE PARTNERS. When Eleanor stumbles upon a hidden diary, she unlocks a family secret - and finds that danger lives closer to home than she possibly could have imagined. An ensemble of trapped spirits crack open the door between generations in a theatrical adaptation that wraps the classic psychological horror story The Yellow Wallpaper in a Hitchcockian thriller.
  • Knock Knock by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    4–23
    ·
    Genre: comedy
    ·
    Keyword: one-act comedy, vignette plays + 4 more
    Genre: comedy
    Keyword: one-act comedy, vignette plays, high school and college, high school actors, middle school actors, great roles for teen performers
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script cowritten with Jason Pizzarello available to read online for free at https://yourstagepartners.com/knock-knock

    When you deliver packages, anyone might be behind your next door, from your elementary school teacher to a burglar on the job. Jaded veteran Logan thinks she's seen it all, while newbie Sam is convinced attitude is everything. The...
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script cowritten with Jason Pizzarello available to read online for free at https://yourstagepartners.com/knock-knock

    When you deliver packages, anyone might be behind your next door, from your elementary school teacher to a burglar on the job. Jaded veteran Logan thinks she's seen it all, while newbie Sam is convinced attitude is everything. The only sure thing in this job? They're both going to be surprised. Knock Knock is a rapid-fire comedy that delivers.
  • Will You Be My Nemesis? by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    5–30
    ·
    Genre: comedy, parody/spoof + 1 more
    ·
    Keyword: superhero, villain + 4 more
    Genre: comedy, parody/spoof, satire
    Keyword: superhero, villain, roles for high school, high school actors, middle school actors, teen actors
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script available to read online for free athttps://yourstagepartners.com/will-you-be-my-nemesis.

    It's hard to find your perfect match, someone you really connect with; someone who will dedicate their life to destroying you at all costs. Yes, sometimes it feels like you'll NEVER meet your nemesis. But Captain Battle and Dr. Nightmare are...
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS - full script available to read online for free athttps://yourstagepartners.com/will-you-be-my-nemesis.

    It's hard to find your perfect match, someone you really connect with; someone who will dedicate their life to destroying you at all costs. Yes, sometimes it feels like you'll NEVER meet your nemesis. But Captain Battle and Dr. Nightmare are willing to try out every hero and villain in town to find the enemy of their dreams. Of course, you're going to meet a few weirdos along the way... An ultra-flexible, quickfire comedy sure to capture your heart and lower it slowly into a volcano.
  • How (Not) to Be A Wizard by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    8–25
    ·
    Genre: comedy, fantasy + 2 more
    ·
    Keyword: parody, fantasy comedy + 6 more
    Genre: comedy, fantasy, parody/spoof, satire
    Keyword: parody, fantasy comedy, vignette comedy, one-act comedy, high-school appropriate, middle-school actors, high-school actors, teen actors
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS Full script cowritten with Jason Pizzarello and Patrick Greene available to read online for free at
    https://yourstagepartners.com/how-not-to-be-a-wizard
    It's a (magical) disaster! A school of wizardry needs a new professor...and classes start tomorrow. Everyone's coming through the portal for an interview, from a suspiciously fake-looking centaur to...
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS Full script cowritten with Jason Pizzarello and Patrick Greene available to read online for free at
    https://yourstagepartners.com/how-not-to-be-a-wizard
    It's a (magical) disaster! A school of wizardry needs a new professor...and classes start tomorrow. Everyone's coming through the portal for an interview, from a suspiciously fake-looking centaur to this one guy from Oz who can't even DO anything. Can anybody save the day? A spellbinding comedy that has created the completely new concept of a school for wizards and is definitely not making fun of anything in particular.

    No stage magic required.

    One final note– 10% of all performance royalties for this play will be donated by the authors to The Trevor Project (thetrevorproject.org) which works to end suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, & questioning young people.

  • Double Double by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    12–40
    ·
    Genre: comedy, drama + 3 more
    ·
    Keyword: high school, female friendships + 3 more
    Genre: comedy, drama, fantasy, movement/physical, young audiences
    Keyword: high school, female friendships, witches, anxiety, great roles for young adult actors
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3070
    It's no wonder Emily can't sleep. She obsesses about awkward interactions in the past, she tries to predict the disasters of the future - and then, of course, there's three immortal witches sabotaging her drama club production of Macbeth so they can escape the mortal realm. You know, life stuff. But when the witches...
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3070
    It's no wonder Emily can't sleep. She obsesses about awkward interactions in the past, she tries to predict the disasters of the future - and then, of course, there's three immortal witches sabotaging her drama club production of Macbeth so they can escape the mortal realm. You know, life stuff. But when the witches send strange visions to turn Emily and her new classmates against each other, no one can predict what happens next. Before the charm's wound up, all will face their fears in this tale of loyalty, anxiety, Skittles, and doom. Published by Playscripts.
  • Do You Read Me? by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    4–14
    ·
    Genre: comedy, political + 2 more
    ·
    Keyword: zoom, Video Chat + 4 more
    Genre: comedy, political, satire, science fiction
    Keyword: zoom, Video Chat, livestream, students, educational, community theater
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3913
    Everyone at NASA thinks that Dr. Weaver's Mars colony is a joke, because it's full of average joes instead of astronauts. Their mission? To grow the first eggplant on Mars. As Dr. Weaver takes reports from the self-appointed experts, disappointed sci-fi fans, and customer service nightmares that inhabit the colony under...
    ONE-ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3913
    Everyone at NASA thinks that Dr. Weaver's Mars colony is a joke, because it's full of average joes instead of astronauts. Their mission? To grow the first eggplant on Mars. As Dr. Weaver takes reports from the self-appointed experts, disappointed sci-fi fans, and customer service nightmares that inhabit the colony under the leadership of the arrogant Commander, the mission starts to seem impossible. But could there be more to the story than they're letting on? Written especially for actors to perform on video chat, DO YOU READ ME? is a space comedy about community.
    Part of the Playscripts Livescreen Theatre Collection
  • Unbreakable Timmy Cratchit by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    9–40
    ·
    Genre: comedy, holiday + 1 more
    ·
    Keyword: christmas, high school + 6 more
    Genre: comedy, holiday, young audiences
    Keyword: christmas, high school, middle school, Festive, a cappella, teenagers, Christmas Carol, community
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3091
    Cowritten with Tyler Dwiggins. There are people who are excited about Christmas, and then there's Tiny Tim Cratchit - he's never met a seasonal sweater he didn't love. When he discovers his overworked parents could use some extra cheer this year, the oddball optimist drafts his skeptical sister Belinda into a last-...
    ONE ACT, PUBLISHED BY PLAYSCRIPTS. https://www.playscripts.com/play/3091
    Cowritten with Tyler Dwiggins. There are people who are excited about Christmas, and then there's Tiny Tim Cratchit - he's never met a seasonal sweater he didn't love. When he discovers his overworked parents could use some extra cheer this year, the oddball optimist drafts his skeptical sister Belinda into a last-minute quest to make enough money to buy the perfect gifts. The entitled customers, pushy elves, and ruthless carolers shopping on Christmas Eve are enough to test the most festive soul, but generosity comes from unlikely places in this galloping, joyful reversal of A Christmas Carol.
  • The Bargain by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    3
    ·
    Genre: comedy, fantasy + 3 more
    ·
    Keyword: halloween, Fantasy + 2 more
    Genre: comedy, fantasy, parody/spoof, satire, science fiction
    Keyword: halloween, Fantasy, office culture, demons
    10-MINUTE PLAY, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS. Part of the collection TEN(ISH): COMEDIES. Available to read in full online at https://yourstagepartners.com/the-bargain
    When you sell your soul, Dan is the demon who comes to collect. But things aren't as simple as that - especially if evil coworkers object to working overtime, people don't respect a cool trench coat, and worst of all, the doomed...
    10-MINUTE PLAY, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS. Part of the collection TEN(ISH): COMEDIES. Available to read in full online at https://yourstagepartners.com/the-bargain
    When you sell your soul, Dan is the demon who comes to collect. But things aren't as simple as that - especially if evil coworkers object to working overtime, people don't respect a cool trench coat, and worst of all, the doomed mortal has a cat. This play is part of the short play collection Ten(ish):Comedies, published by Stage Partners.
  • The Collector by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    3
    ·
    Genre: comedy
    ·
    Keyword: ten-minute comedy, ten-minute + 2 more
    Genre: comedy
    Keyword: ten-minute comedy, ten-minute, art, 10-minute play
    10-MINUTE, PUBLISHED BY STAGE PARTNERS. Part of the short play collection ROGUES' GALLERY.
    When a young artist’s meeting with a rich collector is interrupted by a delivery, they might end up making a different deal altogether. This play is part of the short play collection Rogues' Gallery and can be licensed separately or as part of the collection.
  • Help Who's Next by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    3
    ·
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy + 3 more
    ·
    Keyword: gun control, communication + 4 more
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy, drama, experimental, political
    Keyword: gun control, communication, capitalism, empathy, feminism, coffee
    10-MINUTE PLAY. When a cycle repeats, there are conversations we expect. Would it be the same if we gave the words away - or stole them? An unexpected story of transaction, connection, politics, and empathy.
  • Alternative Facts by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Recommendations: 2
    ·
    Cast: 
    3
    ·
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy + 4 more
    ·
    Keyword: lizard people, kellyanne conway + 2 more
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy, fantasy, horror, political, satire
    Keyword: lizard people, kellyanne conway, cable news, resistance
    As we all know, when a politician's alarming statements hit the cable news chyrons, his spokeswoman goes on TV to set the story straight. Somebody's got to ask the tough questions, after all. Should it really count as murder if it happens to a woman on a boat? Can we know for certain that polar bears even exist outside of Coca-Cola commercials? But just as the beleaguered host is about to surrender...
    As we all know, when a politician's alarming statements hit the cable news chyrons, his spokeswoman goes on TV to set the story straight. Somebody's got to ask the tough questions, after all. Should it really count as murder if it happens to a woman on a boat? Can we know for certain that polar bears even exist outside of Coca-Cola commercials? But just as the beleaguered host is about to surrender her sanity, another scandal breaks - and this one may be harder to sweep under the rug without somebody getting devoured.
  • Jump Scare by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    3
    ·
    Genre: comedy, horror + 1 more
    ·
    Keyword: horror movies, method acting + 2 more
    Genre: comedy, horror, satire
    Keyword: horror movies, method acting, halloween, acting
    It's Halloween night and the production team of a horror b-movie only has to get one more shot before they go celebrate. Unfortunately, the floundering lead actress is determined to prove her acting chops and really channel fear. Looks like the director and her shady production assistant will have to think up some ways to scare their perfectionistic star.
  • Accessories by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    4
    ·
    Genre: adaptation, comedy + 2 more
    ·
    Keyword: metoo, feminism + 3 more
    Genre: adaptation, comedy, dark comedy, drama
    Keyword: metoo, feminism, sexism, workplace, TRIFLES
    When Joe Wright's coworkers learn that he's been fired, speculation runs rampant - especially about why his assistant Minnie is sequestered by HR. The two young women assigned to pack up her desk know enough to keep quiet... at least until they're alone. A sharp take on Trifles for the #MeToo era.
  • We're Not So Different, You and I by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    2–4
    ·
    Genre: comedy
    ·
    Keyword: foes, villains + 4 more
    Genre: comedy
    Keyword: foes, villains, self-help, Job Interview, turning around in chairs in an ominous way, puns
    Evelyn's life is going smoothly. Maybe TOO smoothly. She's decided she needs someone to help keep her on her toes, but not just any old enemy will do - she wants a Personal Nemesis. Today she's interviewing everyone from evil billionaires to supervillains, but only one candidate will truly be a worthy foe, and it's someone she never thought she'd see again.
  • The Sequel by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    5–10
    ·
    Genre: comedy, satire + 1 more
    ·
    Keyword: video games, zombies + 2 more
    Genre: comedy, satire, science fiction
    Keyword: video games, zombies, siblings, sexism
    Apocalypse Rising: Armies Of The Undead is advertised to be the most realistic depiction of zombie warfare ever to hit video game consoles - so of course teenage siblings Pete and Lisa can’t wait to play it. But as their avatars, Crazy George and Svetlana, set out to fight the zombie hordes, things start to get a little bit too real. Will Pete and Lisa be brought together by their strange new game or will a...
    Apocalypse Rising: Armies Of The Undead is advertised to be the most realistic depiction of zombie warfare ever to hit video game consoles - so of course teenage siblings Pete and Lisa can’t wait to play it. But as their avatars, Crazy George and Svetlana, set out to fight the zombie hordes, things start to get a little bit too real. Will Pete and Lisa be brought together by their strange new game or will a little honesty prove a dangerous thing?
  • The Pitch by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    2
    ·
    Genre: comedy, fantasy + 1 more
    ·
    Keyword: adventure, focus group + 5 more
    Genre: comedy, fantasy, satire
    Keyword: adventure, focus group, quest, heroes, Movies, business, Hollywood
    Things have gone downhill for Lily since she saved the universe. Reduced to working with a jaded studio executive on a screenplay based on her adventures, she's flabbergasted to hear that the truth won't be quite magical enough for certain demographics. Looks like the battle between good and evil's not quite over yet . . .
  • Third Person Limited by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Recommendations: 1
    ·
    Cast: 
    2
    ·
    Genre: comedy
    ·
    Keyword: grammar, friendship + 1 more
    Genre: comedy
    Keyword: grammar, friendship, unemployment
    Anne is unemployed, discouraged, and drifting apart from her friends, but she's determined to change her life story - and who has more control than the narrator? But when Anne won't part with the third person even though Julie needs help, they'll have to get creative in order to start speaking the same language.
  • Ghost Story by Kathryn Funkhouser
    Cast: 
    7–20
    ·
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy + 4 more
    ·
    Keyword: ghosts, beach town + 3 more
    Genre: comedy, dark comedy, drama, fable/folktale, fantasy, horror
    Keyword: ghosts, beach town, unrequited love, Fantasy, chorus
    ONE-ACT. Charlie wants to play it safe. She works at the same dilapidated boardwalk haunted house every summer without ever looking inside, she hangs out with her friend Neal without ever acting on her feelings for him, and she writes elaborate, uncanny stories that she refuses to show to anyone. But when a new girl joins the staff who's determined to change everything, Charlie's fear and yearning...
    ONE-ACT. Charlie wants to play it safe. She works at the same dilapidated boardwalk haunted house every summer without ever looking inside, she hangs out with her friend Neal without ever acting on her feelings for him, and she writes elaborate, uncanny stories that she refuses to show to anyone. But when a new girl joins the staff who's determined to change everything, Charlie's fear and yearning threaten to fade her into one of the ghosts she chronicles. At the end of the day, who ends up haunted?