David Patton

David Patton

Plays

  • Old Friends
    Two old friends meet to swap news and lunch. Their conversation is more along the lines of two parallel tracks than a debate.
    It takes a woman to understand them!
    Explores the way that men relate to each other.
  • The Recruit. (from 'Tales From the Fire-Side.)
    After a serious fire in a tenement in Glasgow, the crew begin the task of clearing up the debris and dealing with a fatality, and a recruit who hasn't yet realised what the job is all about...
    This is from a longer story of my time in Glasgow as a Firefighter...
  • The Recruit Monologue
    An extract from a play where a recruit firefighter is struggling to come to terms with the horrors and realities of his chosen profession. His older, experienced firefighter partner finally loses his patience with the young man's naive attitude to the dead man's circumstances and lifestyle.
  • A Milestone in my Dad's Life.
    A man uncovers a secret his Dad had kept hidden for many years. A veteran of WWII, his Dad had suffered from survivor's guilt after surviving 5 years as a POW. Uncovering his Dad's attempts to make amends, leads him to a sobering conclusion about the man he thought he knew.
  • Stravaiging
    A retired man Stravaigs..(ambles) along a Scottish beach and reminisces of and lang syne
  • Wish You Were Here.
    A couple are slowly losing their relationship and themselves after their daughter disappears. The have been sliding toward disaster with blame being thrown around like confetti.
  • Return to Elysium
    An old man remembers a time from his post-war boyhood when an escape from the grime of city life to the hills on Scotland's west coast provide a place where his young mind and body can roam freely.
  • Living the Dream
    The sudden news of the coming death of an old friend with dementia.
  • Sister Vagina and learning to swear.
    Growing up in Glasgow and learning the evils and punishment for swearing and being a budding capitalista!
  • The Shiqq and I. or, I'm only here to punch the keyboard!
    An author, scribbler, storeyteller...whatever, sits at the keyboard and watches as an alter-ego struggles for dominance.

    A Shiqq is a half-formed creature in Islamic mythology
  • From a Boomer to a Gen5G
    A retired guy ponders how come he went from being a post war baby through being a Boomer, teenager, rocker etc...and who makes the names.
    And when will the Gen5G generation appear?
  • A Cuppa is Better at Coney's
    Old guy goes for a coffee...just a coffee...not a supra supreme...not a Latte with soya processed, sugar free enzyme of goat milk! Just a COFFEE!!
  • I Love the Smell of Smoke in the Morning.. From 'Tales From the Fire-side'
    A man thinks back on his life as a Firefighter in the aftermath of a tragedy.
    He suffers a sudden flashback to a fire from many years ago where three young kids died.
    He'd been a cynic when it came to PTSD, flashbacks, psychobablers, churchmen believing he was strong enough...until the dam broke...
  • Under a Clockwork Moon
    A man returns to the city of his youth. However, it proves to be a bittersweet reunion. The reality of modern Glasgow clashes harshly with his memories. He finds little left of the places, sights, smells of the town he once took for granted.
  • CHANGED DAYS
    An old firefighter bemoans the changes to his job.
    Unwittingly, he makes the case for why the job he loved had to change so much!
  • Always Less...originally... Fuck Karma!
    A young woman, brutalised, broken and near suicidal, struggles on, living day to day for her young kids.
    She somehow finds a way to survive ..Karma is so much sweeter when you never saw it coming...
  • Disabled
    A disable man trying to make his way home is confronted by three drunken thugs. This is not a morality play, There is no redemption, no happy ending, just life on the mean streets.
  • Hallowchristmas
    Mayhem and misunderstanding abound when the great stock room slaughter happens...or so it would appear!
  • I Didn't Know Cats Ate Squirrels
    A man takes extreme measures to protect his garden
  • Grimly Reaped
    A woman visits her Mother in a Nursing Home, where she realises that she's slowly losing her mother. The Reaper appears and explains why this is normal.
  • Ice Cube or Murder
    A long suffering, sleep deprived woman tries to fathom the mysteries of time and relativity as she ponders whether mass murder is sometimes justified
  • Remembering Bramblemouse Beach
    A surprise trip takes a man down memory lane with his daughters
  • Pervert on the 12:14 from London Euston
    A monologue
    A woman's train journey becomes an ordeal for all concerned.
  • A young man's coming of age through Rock 'n Roll
    On holiday with his parents, a teenage boy is having a miserable time until he has a musical epiphany.
  • Snatch Squad
    A young man prepares as he works up the courage to walk across the dance floor to ask a young woman to dance.In the 1960s and 70s, this was known to us as the walk of shame! Men would stand along one side and women along the other, and to go all the way across and be refused a dance! However, ion his mind's eye, he sees the dance floor as a battle ground..... In my hometown, Glasgow, Snatch is a slang word...
    A young man prepares as he works up the courage to walk across the dance floor to ask a young woman to dance.In the 1960s and 70s, this was known to us as the walk of shame! Men would stand along one side and women along the other, and to go all the way across and be refused a dance! However, ion his mind's eye, he sees the dance floor as a battle ground..... In my hometown, Glasgow, Snatch is a slang word for a woman's... Well, use your imagination!
  • McKorkindale's Teeths. From the Crofter's Tales series.
    A Crofter on Scotland's Western Isles is seeking compensation for his losses which he blames Her Majesty's "Airplanes" for flying too low above his croft
  • Acne on an old face
    Spoiling the myths of the good old days!
  • The madness of George King
    A man with multiple personalities debates his family history with two of closest 'friends'
  • Tae a Virus
    With humble apologies to Scotland's Bard, this is a take on his famous poem, 'Tae A Moose'. In this version, the object is the Covid Virus, and the emotion is not pity, but fear and loathing.
  • Message From Leonardo
    A man sits alone in the wreckage of a failed marriage and a failed life. He consoles himself with grandiose ideas of becoming a famous inventor.
  • Fred's Red Head
    A wee boy kneels by his bed to tell his news
  • Unlike Poles
    Two men in a Glasgow Pub find that sometimes your enemy's enemy, is your enemy!
  • Her First Thanksgiving
    After WWII, a young Scottish war bride writes home to tell her family about life in the USA and how it's so different. She tells us frequently that she likes it there, but like many who wander away from Scotland, we sense a loss and a tug for the old country.
  • Ah'm No Feart!
    A man ponders the Halloweens of his youth , and decides that they prepared for him for anything the modern world could throw at him.
  • McKorkindale's Incident. From the Crofter's Tales series
    McKorkindale finds an abandonded boat which leads to confusion when he reports it, while his long suffering wife carries on with the daily chores of farm life.
  • Abandonment
    A previously lonely person is thrust back to her previous life after being suddenly cut off...All is not as it seems however, and her life is once again reversed...I hate you Facebook!
  • Ice Cube or Murder
    A woman is driven to distraction by her husband snoring, and ponders the ultimate solution
  • Odd Behaviour on the Nine-Twenty from Basingstoke
    sometimes the world is not quite what we see..or wish it be.
    A commuter unwittingly becomes the target of the Law!
  • A Joke is Not a riddle
    An mildly autistic man turns the canteen tables on his tormentor
  • The Eyes have It!
    A young man is toungue tied when he meets the girl of his dreams.
  • Xmas comes but once a year
    A grandfather eventually takes up his Granddaughters side in the fight for never ending Xmas
  • Easy on the Eyes
    Very short play. A man discovers that he was not the only apple in his wife's eye!