David Patton

David Patton

Plays

  • Stushi at the Krakarori
    two Irishmen are having a strange conversation at a bar.
  • Julia
    An old woman has died in hospital as her daughter looks for answers. However, the Doctor is more than he would appear to be...
  • Slaying the Beast Within
    Is he crazy or possessed. Do you have to be crazy to be possessed, or possessed to be crazy...
  • Cold Comfort
    A man reminisces at a funeral and plots revenge...but to whom and for what?
  • None can tell. (from 'Tales From the Fire-Side.)
    A firefighter reminisces about his career and one rescue in particular which affects and haunts him.
  • I've got a little list
    A loner, rejected, and psychopathic muses over imagined slights and plans revenge...only in dreams?
  • My BFF died
    The loss of a lifelong friend causes our speaker to lay him to rest...warts and all.
  • Ode to Winter
    A short monologue on the cruel beauty of winter and the coming of Spring.
  • The Recruit. (from 'Tales From the Fire-Side.)
    After a serious fire in a tenement in Glasgow, the crew begin the task of clearing up the debris and dealing with a fatality, and a recruit who hasn't yet realised what the job is all about...
    This is from a longer story of my time in Glasgow as a Firefighter...
  • Wish You Were Here.
    A couple are slowly losing their relationship and themselves after their daughter disappears. The have been sliding toward disaster with blame being thrown around like confetti.
  • Old Friends
    Two old friends meet to swap news and lunch. Their conversation is more along the lines of two parallel tracks than a debate.
    It takes a woman to understand them!
    Explores the way that men relate to each other.
  • A Milestone in my Dad's Life.
    A man uncovers a secret his Dad had kept hidden for many years. A veteran of WWII, his Dad had suffered from survivor's guilt after surviving 5 years as a POW. Uncovering his Dad's attempts to make amends, leads him to a sobering conclusion about the man he thought he knew.
  • Remembering Bramblemouse Beach
    A surprise trip takes a man down memory lane with his daughters
  • Her First Thanksgiving
    After WWII, a young Scottish war bride writes home to tell her family about life in the USA and how it's so different. She tells us frequently that she likes it there, but like many who wander away from Scotland, we sense a loss and a tug for the old country.
  • Stravaiging
    A retired man Stravaigs..(ambles) along a Scottish beach and reminisces of and lang syne
  • A Joke is Not a riddle
    An mildly autistic man turns the canteen tables on his tormentor
  • I Love the Smell of Smoke in the Morning.. From 'Tales From the Fire-side'
    A man thinks back on his life as a Firefighter in the aftermath of a tragedy.
    He suffers a sudden flashback to a fire from many years ago where three young kids died.
    He'd been a cynic when it came to PTSD, flashbacks, psychobablers, churchmen believing he was strong enough...until the dam broke...
  • A Christmas Wish
    Looking out at a snowstorm and hoping that wishes could be more than wishes.
  • Return to Elysium
    An old man remembers a time from his post-war boyhood when an escape from the grime of city life to the hills on Scotland's west coast provide a place where his young mind and body can roam freely.
  • A Cuppa is Better at Coney's
    Old guy goes for a coffee...just a coffee...not a supra supreme...not a Latte with soya processed, sugar free enzyme of goat milk! Just a COFFEE!!
  • Ice Cube or Murder
    A long suffering, sleep deprived woman tries to fathom the mysteries of time and relativity as she ponders whether mass murder is sometimes justified
  • Grimly Reaped
    A woman visits her Mother in a Nursing Home, where she realises that she's slowly losing her mother. The Reaper appears and explains why this is normal.
  • Growing old is not for the elderly!
    Thoughts on ageing and how it could be more pleasant, even enjoyable!
  • Message From Leonardo. Being one in a series of "How it Really Happened"
    A man sits alone in the wreckage of a failed marriage and a failed life. He consoles himself with grandiose ideas of becoming a famous inventor.
  • Always Less...originally... Fuck Karma!
    A young woman, brutalised, broken and near suicidal, struggles on, living day to day for her young kids.
    She somehow finds a way to survive ..Karma is so much sweeter when you never saw it coming...
  • The Shiqq and I. or, I'm only here to punch the keyboard!
    An author, scribbler, storeyteller...whatever, sits at the keyboard and watches as an alter-ego struggles for dominance.

    A Shiqq is a half-formed creature in Islamic mythology
  • I’LL TAKE YOU WHERE THE IRON CROSSES GROW (from 1 minute shorts)
    A young firefighter discovers that training ain't all it ouhta be!
  • My Longed for Rhythm (from 1 minute shorts)
    Nature's natural order versus our stramash of mayhem!
  • What the Dickens!
    This recently found page was the intended end for the horrendous Bumble...as imagined by myself!
  • The long and the short of it. Being one in the series of “How it Really Happened." by David Patton
    An overheard conversation lead to an astounding piece of plagiarism which will change the world.
  • The Gentlest Touch (from 1 minute shorts)
    A Grandparent willingly falls for a Granddaughters charms
  • A Deadly Love Affair
    Not my usual short story or monologue, more of a rant at the ongoing, never-ending slaughter of America's children.
  • Jeez, A whole minute! (from 1 minute shorts)
    A young braggart's hollow boast.
  • Easy on the Eyes (from 1 minute shorts)
    Very short play. A man discovers that he was not the only apple in his wife's eye!
  • A SLIGHT MISFORTUNE WITH TAROT CARDS (from 1 minute shorts)
    Doctor Hfuhruhurr and Nurse Uumellmahaye are staring through a bullet proof glass cage.
    Outward that is...
  • MY FORGOTTEN HERO (from 1 minute shorts)
    A set of smashed knuckles reminds me of my Dad's love.
  • What the Dickens (from 1 minute shorts)
    Oliver gets what he deserved...Greedy little Gibface!
  • Mouldy Old Dough, a short play By Dave Patton. Being one in the series of “How it Really Happened."
    Two lovers attempt to cover their tracks and inadvertently make a world changing potion.
  • Living the Dream
    The sudden news of the coming death of an old friend with dementia.
  • Sister Vagina and learning to swear.
    Growing up in Glasgow and learning the evils and punishment for swearing and being a budding capitalista!
  • From a Boomer to a Gen5G
    A retired guy ponders how come he went from being a post war baby through being a Boomer, teenager, rocker etc...and who makes the names.
    And when will the Gen5G generation appear?
  • Under a Clockwork Moon
    A man returns to the city of his youth. However, it proves to be a bittersweet reunion. The reality of modern Glasgow clashes harshly with his memories. He finds little left of the places, sights, smells of the town he once took for granted.
  • CHANGED DAYS
    An old firefighter bemoans the changes to his job.
    Unwittingly, he makes the case for why the job he loved had to change so much!
  • The madness of George King
    A man with multiple personalities debates his family history with two of closest 'friends'
  • Disabled
    A disable man trying to make his way home is confronted by three drunken thugs. This is not a morality play, There is no redemption, no happy ending, just life on the mean streets.
  • Hallowchristmas
    Mayhem and misunderstanding abound when the great stock room slaughter happens...or so it would appear!
  • I Didn't Know Cats Ate Squirrels
    A man takes extreme measures to protect his garden
  • Pervert on the 12:14 from London Euston
    A monologue
    A woman's train journey becomes an ordeal for all concerned.
  • A young man's coming of age through Rock 'n Roll
    On holiday with his parents, a teenage boy is having a miserable time until he has a musical epiphany.
  • Snatch Squad
    A young man prepares as he works up the courage to walk across the dance floor to ask a young woman to dance.In the 1960s and 70s, this was known to us as the walk of shame! Men would stand along one side and women along the other, and to go all the way across and be refused a dance! However, ion his mind's eye, he sees the dance floor as a battle ground..... In my hometown, Glasgow, Snatch is a slang word...
    A young man prepares as he works up the courage to walk across the dance floor to ask a young woman to dance.In the 1960s and 70s, this was known to us as the walk of shame! Men would stand along one side and women along the other, and to go all the way across and be refused a dance! However, ion his mind's eye, he sees the dance floor as a battle ground..... In my hometown, Glasgow, Snatch is a slang word for a woman's... Well, use your imagination!
  • McKorkindale's Teeths. From the Crofter's Tales series.
    A Crofter on Scotland's Western Isles is seeking compensation for his losses which he blames Her Majesty's "Airplanes" for flying too low above his croft
  • Acne on an old face
    Spoiling the myths of the good old days!
  • Tae a Virus
    With humble apologies to Scotland's Bard, this is a take on his famous poem, 'Tae A Moose'. In this version, the object is the Covid Virus, and the emotion is not pity, but fear and loathing.
  • Fred's Red Head
    A wee boy kneels by his bed to tell his news
  • Unlike Poles
    Two men in a Glasgow Pub find that sometimes your enemy's enemy, is your enemy!
  • Ah'm No Feart!
    A man ponders the Halloweens of his youth , and decides that they prepared for him for anything the modern world could throw at him.
  • McKorkindale's Incident. From the Crofter's Tales series
    McKorkindale finds an abandonded boat which leads to confusion when he reports it, while his long suffering wife carries on with the daily chores of farm life.
  • Abandonment
    A previously lonely person is thrust back to her previous life after being suddenly cut off...All is not as it seems however, and her life is once again reversed...I hate you Facebook!
  • Ice Cube or Murder
    A woman is driven to distraction by her husband snoring, and ponders the ultimate solution
  • Odd Behaviour on the Nine-Twenty from Basingstoke
    sometimes the world is not quite what we see..or wish it be.
    A commuter unwittingly becomes the target of the Law!
  • The Eyes have It!
    A young man is toungue tied when he meets the girl of his dreams.
  • Xmas comes but once a year
    A grandfather eventually takes up his Granddaughters side in the fight for never ending Xmas
  • Einstein’s missing thesis on the relativity of sunshine. Being one in the series of "How it really happened"
    Was Einstein really the Genius we thought him to be?
  • My Great Escape
    An elderly man looks back to his school days and ponders...