ALL BARK, NO BITE

by Kara Emily Krantz

Full-Length: Charlotte and Eugene live a quiet, no-nonsense lifestyle surrounded by sudoku and argyle. Robert and Bella are boisterous and messy and ridiculously in love. Then there's the neighbor, Suzanne, who basically doesn't know what's going on, but definitely has something to say about it.

Sure, relationships can be exciting! They can also be confusing, unexpected, and expose us to profound emotional...

Full-Length: Charlotte and Eugene live a quiet, no-nonsense lifestyle surrounded by sudoku and argyle. Robert and Bella are boisterous and messy and ridiculously in love. Then there's the neighbor, Suzanne, who basically doesn't know what's going on, but definitely has something to say about it.

Sure, relationships can be exciting! They can also be confusing, unexpected, and expose us to profound emotional risk. However, relationships are almost always worth exploring, and if we’re willing to be vulnerable, can fill up the empty or wounded spaces in our hearts.

And if that doesn’t work? Well, get a dog.

read more
  • Inquire About Rights
  • Recommend
  • Download
  • Save to Library

ALL BARK, NO BITE

Recommended by

  • Tom Moran: ALL BARK, NO BITE by Kara Emily Krantz
    “

    A sweet, charming romp that succeeds on the basis of witty character humor underlying a richly realized conceit. The human story is compelling, but it's the dynamic between the two dogs that really pushes "All Bark, No Bite" over the top: Eugene's aloof intellectualism is consistently hilarious (and reminds me more than a little of my own dog) while Bella perfectly encapsulates the flighty charm of the younger canine set. My only disappointment is in knowing what the schtick is before reading, and thus not getting the chance to figure out Eugene's identity for myself.

    A sweet, charming romp that succeeds on the basis of witty character humor underlying a richly realized conceit. The human story is compelling, but it's the dynamic between the two dogs that really pushes "All Bark, No Bite" over the top: Eugene's aloof intellectualism is consistently hilarious (and reminds me more than a little of my own dog) while Bella perfectly encapsulates the flighty charm of the younger canine set. My only disappointment is in knowing what the schtick is before reading, and thus not getting the chance to figure out Eugene's identity for myself.

    ”
  • Rachael Carnes: ALL BARK, NO BITE by Kara Emily Krantz
    “

    When a Zoom meeting is hosted by someone in Nashville, and the author's outside of Boston and you've got cast members in Seoul and points between - You're hosting a virtual reading in the face of Covid-19! And this delightful play delivers laughs and love - endearing humans aplenty - and DOGS. Talking dogs. Clever, creative, cute-as-a-button DOGS. I am 15/15 here for this play, and so grateful for the distraction. An entertaining romp, animated with effervescence. Pure fun.

    When a Zoom meeting is hosted by someone in Nashville, and the author's outside of Boston and you've got cast members in Seoul and points between - You're hosting a virtual reading in the face of Covid-19! And this delightful play delivers laughs and love - endearing humans aplenty - and DOGS. Talking dogs. Clever, creative, cute-as-a-button DOGS. I am 15/15 here for this play, and so grateful for the distraction. An entertaining romp, animated with effervescence. Pure fun.

    ”
  • Claudia Haas: ALL BARK, NO BITE by Kara Emily Krantz
    “

    A rom com between humans, between dogs, between humans and dogs - so much bark and tail wagging, I smiled and laughed and fell in love. In love with the humans and those irrepressible dogs. Please stage this nearby so I can bring dog biscuits and have the time of my life.

    A rom com between humans, between dogs, between humans and dogs - so much bark and tail wagging, I smiled and laughed and fell in love. In love with the humans and those irrepressible dogs. Please stage this nearby so I can bring dog biscuits and have the time of my life.

    ”
View all 6 recommendations

Character Information

  • Eugene
    Male-presenting, canine (unspecified breed), any age (pref. older). Sarcastic curmudgeon who masks loyalty with wit. Thinks he’s the smartest in the room (and often is) but beneath the bluster beats a fiercely devoted heart.
    20s-90s
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Charlotte
    Female, 20–50. Meticulous architect with a gentle spirit and anxious streak. She clings to order even as life nudges her toward vulnerability and change.
    20-45
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman
  • Robert
    Male, 20-55; A tolerably good guy, he enjoys his life and has an enduringly upbeat attitude. He’s in love with Charlotte, as well as his new rescue dog, Bella.
    20-55
    Male
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Man
  • Bella
    Female, Maltese puppy, preferably younger. A burst of energy: adorable, exasperating, and impossible to ignore. Can charm the lolli off a pop.
    16-40
    Female
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      Teens,
      20s,
      30s,
      40s
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Woman,
      Non-binary
  • Suzanne
    Any age; played female-presenting and/or transfemme. Charlotte’s neighbor and self-appointed protector: nosy, flamboyant, brutally candid. A comic wild card, equal parts chaos and odd wisdom. Not a dog lover.
    30-80
    Female,
    Femme or non-binary,
    Non-binary or femme,
    Femme,
    Trans woman
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+

Development History

  • Workshop, Becoming More Productions, 2016
  • Reading, Becoming More Productions, 2015

Production History

  • Community Theater, Early Bird Dinner Theater, Clearwater, FL, 2021
  • Community Theater, Gypsy Theatre Guild, Kalispell, Montana, 2020
  • Community Theater, Bell Tower Theater, Dubuque, Iowa, 2019
  • Community Theater, Calliope Productions, Boylston, MA, 2019