The Impracticality of Modern-Day Mastodons

by Rachel Teagle

FULL LENGTH: Suddenly all childhood dreams have come true, and the world is full of astronauts, ballerinas, cowboys, and princesses. It's a brave and glorious new world for everyone but Jess, who wanted to be a mastodon when she grew up. With the help of her friendly vocational adviser and her super-spy boyfriend, Jess embarks on a journey to find her place in the world, and discover why it seems to be...

FULL LENGTH: Suddenly all childhood dreams have come true, and the world is full of astronauts, ballerinas, cowboys, and princesses. It's a brave and glorious new world for everyone but Jess, who wanted to be a mastodon when she grew up. With the help of her friendly vocational adviser and her super-spy boyfriend, Jess embarks on a journey to find her place in the world, and discover why it seems to be unraveling. An offbeat comedy about ambition, vocation, and restlessness.

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The Impracticality of Modern-Day Mastodons

Recommended by

  • Lisa Dellagiarino Feriend: The Impracticality of Modern-Day Mastodons by Rachel Teagle
    “

    I want to see this so badly. I want to see how the mastodon is created, and I want to hear the sound effects (a sound designer would have a field day with this play!) All of a sudden, everyone becomes what they wanted to be when they grew up, and the play does a fantastic job capturing child-like wonder and improbabilities among a group of adults (who are all now spies, ballerinas, astronauts, etc.) Jess wanted to be a mastodon when she grew up, and the play explores the feeling of not quite belonging, among so much more.

    I want to see this so badly. I want to see how the mastodon is created, and I want to hear the sound effects (a sound designer would have a field day with this play!) All of a sudden, everyone becomes what they wanted to be when they grew up, and the play does a fantastic job capturing child-like wonder and improbabilities among a group of adults (who are all now spies, ballerinas, astronauts, etc.) Jess wanted to be a mastodon when she grew up, and the play explores the feeling of not quite belonging, among so much more.

    ”
  • Cole Hunter Dzubak: The Impracticality of Modern-Day Mastodons by Rachel Teagle
    “

    Saw this at MSU this past semester and saw it on my NPX so I wanted to give it a rec! This show is extremely charming, full of witty, rich dialogue and well-rounded characters. This show combines childhood innocence, gut-wrenching emotion, and extremely tense situations all together very nicely. Teagle does a brilliant job with this piece, and it is a treat to see live!

    Saw this at MSU this past semester and saw it on my NPX so I wanted to give it a rec! This show is extremely charming, full of witty, rich dialogue and well-rounded characters. This show combines childhood innocence, gut-wrenching emotion, and extremely tense situations all together very nicely. Teagle does a brilliant job with this piece, and it is a treat to see live!

    ”
  • Cheryl Bear: The Impracticality of Modern-Day Mastodons by Rachel Teagle
    “

    A fantastic look into finding your purpose and living your dreams as an adult with your vocational advisor as your guide. Well done!

    A fantastic look into finding your purpose and living your dreams as an adult with your vocational advisor as your guide. Well done!

    ”
View all 12 recommendations

Character Information

CASTING NOTES:
The Voices of the chorus of impractical children should be played by all available ensemble, except for Jess. Buster serves as the leader of the chorus.
The unconventional spacing of the Voices is meant to be taken as an invitation to play poetically with the speaking of the lines, not as strict timing notes. Multiple voices at once, elongating words, echoes. It should feel like the voice in the back of your head.
In the stage directions, Tracy is gendered as female and Pat as male, but they can be easily changed as necessary. The author has no real preference as to the gender of the actors portraying multiple parts but thinks it may be weird if Delores and Jess are the only female characters, likewise if Clarence/Clint is the only male character. Whatever works and is great.

There is no reason for this script to be performed with an entirely white cast.
  • Jess
    A recent Mastodon
    She/Her/Hers
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Female,
      Non-binary
  • Buster
    Part of a very sick child who made a wish, also: CHORUS 1, PAULA, PALEONTOLOGIST 1, NARRATOR
  • Clarence/Clint
    A struggling, pun-making journalist, then a hyper-suave super-secret agent, also: CHORUS 2, THOMAS JEFFERSON, FIGURE
    He/Him/His
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Male,
      Non-binary
  • Delores
    A cheerful and professional vocational advisor, also: CHORUS 3, LEWIS, FEMALE VOICE
    She/Her/Hers
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
    • Actor Gender Identity
      Female,
      Non-binary
  • Tracy
    A perky newscaster, also: CHORUS 4, INGA, COMTE DE BUFON, CLARK
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+
  • Pat
    A sophisticated newscaster, also: CHORUS 5, NORMAN, PALEONTOLOGIST 2, PEALE
    Can be played by:
    • Actor Age
      20s,
      30s,
      40s,
      50s,
      60s,
      70s+

Development History

  • Reading, The Hub Theatre Play Fest with The Inkwell, Washington DC, 2015
  • Reading, Strange Sun Theatre Greenhouse Festival, 2015
  • Workshop, Strange Sun Theater Development Workshop, 2015
  • Workshop, The Inkwell, 2014
  • Workshop, The Collective Project, Atlanta, 2012
  • Reading, Truffle Theatre Company, Brooklyn, 2011

Production History

  • University, Kent State University Trumbull, 2022
  • University, Michigan State University Department of Theatre, 2022
  • Community Theater, Seoul Players, South Korea* Postponed due to Covid*, 2020
  • Workshop, Hole in The Wall Theater, New Britain CT, 2014

Awards

  • Seven Devils Playwrights Festival
    id Theater
    Finalist
    2019
  • Prize for Women Playwrights
    Kentucky Women Writers Conference
    Finalist
    2017