Hilary Bluestein-Lyons

Hilary Bluestein-Lyons

Hilary Bluestein-Lyons (she/they) is a playwright, screenwriter, poet, stand-up comic, director, comedy improviser, and actor. They received a degree in Creative Writing (poetry) from the University of Arizona and an MFA in Writing for Stage and Screen from the New Hampshire Institute of Art. Their plays, Call My Dead Wife and HisStory are published through Next Stage Press. Petrified Forest is included in the...
Hilary Bluestein-Lyons (she/they) is a playwright, screenwriter, poet, stand-up comic, director, comedy improviser, and actor. They received a degree in Creative Writing (poetry) from the University of Arizona and an MFA in Writing for Stage and Screen from the New Hampshire Institute of Art. Their plays, Call My Dead Wife and HisStory are published through Next Stage Press. Petrified Forest is included in the Smith & Kraus anthology, Best 10-Minute Plays of 2022. A monologue from Martin's Treehouse is included in the Smith & Kraus anthology, Best Men's Monologues of 2022. And a monologue from their musical, Clothing, is included in the Smith & Kraus anthology, WE/US: Monologues for Gender Minority Characters. Their play, Tighten Your Borscht Belt, was a semifinalist with the O’Neill Playwrights Conference. Several of their plays have been produced throughout the country. Hilary lives in Los Angeles, CA where they draw their inspiration and sense of humor from their four kids and a Yorkie. They are a proud member of the Dramatists Guild and Honor Roll! an advocacy group of women+ playwrights over 40.

Plays

  • Call My Dead Wife
    FULL-LENGTH: It's nearing Christmas, 1890. Recently widowed Almon Strowger abandons his life in Upstate New York and purchases a mortuary in Kansas City, MO, which is under the care of a witty spinster, Susan Simmons. A sudden decline in his undertaking business leads Strowger to discover that calls are being directed to his rival. How? His rival’s wife is the town telephone operator. With the help of...
    FULL-LENGTH: It's nearing Christmas, 1890. Recently widowed Almon Strowger abandons his life in Upstate New York and purchases a mortuary in Kansas City, MO, which is under the care of a witty spinster, Susan Simmons. A sudden decline in his undertaking business leads Strowger to discover that calls are being directed to his rival. How? His rival’s wife is the town telephone operator. With the help of Almon’s nephew (Walter), a conniving accountant (Joseph Harris) and the accountant’s eccentric wife (Macey Harris), Almon invents the Automatic Telephone Exchange, the device that allowed for direct calling and made the telephone operator obsolete. However, Almon’s addiction to Blue Mass, his obsession with his wife’s death, and the mysterious disappearance of several of his other inventions, challenges the Telephone Exchange’s success. Call My Dead Wife is loosely based on true events.
  • HisStory
    FULL-LENGTH: It’s 150 years in the future and only women exist. A couple (an artist and a geneticist), are pregnant with their first child and have gathered the family together to announce the good news. Just before the guests arrive, the couple learns some earth-shattering news about the baby that may change the course of history.
  • A Jewish Woman Walks into a Maloca
    FULL-LENGTH, ONE-PERSON PLAY: They say that one ayahuasca ceremony is like a year of therapy. On this 8-day retreat in Peru, Linda does four.
  • Martin's Treehouse
    FULL-LENGTH: Martin's dad has recently died, leaving Martin with an unfinished treehouse. He wants more than anything to prove that he can finish the project alone, but his new friend insists that they could use help. Through imaginative play, the two of them are able to work through Martin's trauma of his dad's death and even accomplish more than they thought possible.
  • Tighten Your Borscht Belt
    FULL-LENGTH: It’s 1952 and we’re in that uniquely Jewish resort area of the Catskill Mountains known as ‘the Borscht Belt’ -- a place renowned for launching the careers of the likes of Henny Youngman, Milton Berle and Woody Allen. But things aren’t so rosy for Hattie Zelig, a 30-ish stand-up comedienne who’s finding that breaking into this meshugenah boy’s club is like breaking into Fort Knox. Meanwhile,...
    FULL-LENGTH: It’s 1952 and we’re in that uniquely Jewish resort area of the Catskill Mountains known as ‘the Borscht Belt’ -- a place renowned for launching the careers of the likes of Henny Youngman, Milton Berle and Woody Allen. But things aren’t so rosy for Hattie Zelig, a 30-ish stand-up comedienne who’s finding that breaking into this meshugenah boy’s club is like breaking into Fort Knox. Meanwhile, Hattie’s best friend Lillian is in the same boat, Hattie’s mother is zero help, and her husband, Zeb, is busy playing the field - - all of which adds up to Hattie feeling like she’s at a dead end. Then she suddenly lands a headliner spot at Gold’s Resort, and the offer of a TV show follows hot on. The catch? She’d have to drop everything and move to LA. Now. Lillian wants Hattie to grab this once in a lifetime chance, but -- would that life were that simple. In the end, the dominos fall and Hattie is forced to choose between family and career - - which is no laughing matter.

    TYBB was a 2017 O'Neil Semifinalist
  • If I Knew the Way-A Musical
    FULL-LENGTH MUSICAL: In the words of Janis Joplin, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” And that’s exactly where Michelle and Tanya end up on their quest to find Phil, a guy Michelle met at a Grateful Dead concert. It’s 1987, and after Michelle gets kicked out of Harvard, Tanya, a transwoman, convinces Michelle to find Phil, but their free-spirited lifestyle has a cost. A kaleidoscope of...
    FULL-LENGTH MUSICAL: In the words of Janis Joplin, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” And that’s exactly where Michelle and Tanya end up on their quest to find Phil, a guy Michelle met at a Grateful Dead concert. It’s 1987, and after Michelle gets kicked out of Harvard, Tanya, a transwoman, convinces Michelle to find Phil, but their free-spirited lifestyle has a cost. A kaleidoscope of stories is portrayed by five, with an ensemble of three playing a variety of characters, or up to 28 individual roles.
  • Level Up
    ONE-ACT (60 MIN.): Level Up is a one-act, experiential, partially-improvised play about a teenage boy with severe ADHD who compulsively plays computer games to cope. But this disconnection leads to blurred lines between fantasy and reality.
  • An Angel Comes to Brooklyn
    Serena is giving Brooklyn a tarot reading to get a
    better handle on her intuition. Can they both handle what's
    in the cards?
  • A Play Within a Play Within a Play
    10-MINUTE: Rhonda and Adam are rehearsing a play about a couple who are rehearsing a play. Neither are aware of how much the characters they are portraying are reflections of themselves, until they do.
  • B-Sides
    10-Minute: Crazy is in love, and Dock and Feliz are doing the best they can to break it to her that her love interest isn't who she thinks she is.
  • Between Two Worlds
    10-MINUTE: Eloise is a romance novelist who is struggling with her latest novel, as are the characters who are in it.
  • Big Dreams and Faded Jeans
    10-MINUTE: Ashley hitches a ride with Becca on her way to Nashville to make it as a country singer. But Ashley's know-it-all attitude might set things on a different course.
  • Christmakkah
    10-MINUTE: Josh is spending the holidays with his ex-wife, Vera, and their family for the first time since their divorce.
  • Earth and Moon
    10-MINUTE: Earth doesn't want to admit they're in trouble, so it's up to Moon to shine some light on the reality of the situation.
  • Fiddle-Off
    10-MINUTE: A fiddle competition turned into a brawl, and now Brigette needs Clara's help to get her stepdad to not take things too far.
  • Fishing
    10-MINUTE: A woman takes her kid fishing at a local pond.
  • For Your Consideration
    10-MINUTE: Harvey has a stack of plays to get through for the upcoming one-act play festival. But before he can get past the first page of Amy's play, he needs to get his priorities straight.
  • Grain of Salt
    10-MINUTE: Grace has been having some strange symptoms, but it could just be nothing. She should probably just take it with a grain of salt.
  • Hookie
    1-MINUTE: Sometimes we need a day off, just cause.
  • Kate and Desdemona
    10-MINUTE: It's the night after a drunken one-night stand, when Brenda and Allison find out that they know more about each other than they thought.
  • Kwan Yin the Merciful
    10-MINUTE: Kwan Yin comes to her father's deathbed to forgive him.
  • Mah Jong
    MONOLOGUE: Mah Jong is such a delightful and relaxing game, unless you're playing with Janine.
  • Marcie and Patty Are Getting Married
    10-MINUTE: Marcie and Patty are in adjacent dressing rooms preparing to get married. Both have surprises up their sleeves (and their petticoats) as they prepare for the big day, but their attempts to make each other happy backfire.
  • Not THAT Steve Martin
    10-MINUTE: Jan is introducing her new boyfriend to her friends, who happens to be good friends with Steve Martin.
  • Petrified Forest
    10-MINUTE: Laura and Jack while camping at the Petrified Forest in Arizona, find a lost little girl.
  • Pinnacle Hill
    MONOLOGUE: Amanda has brought her best friend up to Pinnacle Hill to share a new discovery about herself.
  • Planned Sponteneity
    Shannon needs an apartment to rent. Laura needs someone to sublet her apartment. Sounds like a perfect arrangement. What could possibly go wrong?
  • Renegade Mountain
    10-MINUTE: An unlikely trio is hoping to complete a rigorous hike up Renegade Mountain when a mudslide delays their excursion.
  • Sometimes a Sandwich is Just a Sandwich
    10-MINUTE: ...and sometimes it isn't. PB and Jelly are having relationship troubles, or maybe they just need to spice things up a bit, well, as much as a PB & J can be spiced.

    NOTE: This play includes interaction with either a live or zoom audience.
  • Still Useful
    10 MINUTE: A daughter comforts her mother as she nears the end.
  • Stuck Around
    10-MINUTE: Stacy is having a hard time packing for college. And her best friend, Clancy, is no help, probably because he's imaginary. Stacy's mom, Mo, may have some insight to remedy the situation.

    Playwrights Note: Stuck Around was written, with permission, as a companion/sequel
    to Sam Heyman's Early Decision.
  • Tax Day
    10-MINUTE: A woman visits her mother with dementia on her birthday.
  • Tell Me What You Really Think
    10-MINUTE: Trevor and Lucy have reconnected after not seeing each other since grade school. They really like each other. If only they could get out of their own heads and tell each other.
  • The Beginning of Summer
    10-MINUTE: Ryan, a precocious 8 year old, bombards his mama with unanswerable questions, perhaps to stall time.
  • The Boy Who Woke Up and No One Knew Him
    10-MINUTE: Ian's been avoiding Caleb all summer, and now that sophomore year is about to start, Caleb is insistent on reconnecting. But Ian is resistant and isn't ready to reveal why.

    This play was expanded into a one-hour one-act called Level Up.
  • The Neighbors
    2 MINUTE: Harold and Maeve have some opinions about the goings-on of the neighbors.
  • The Neighbors, Part 2
    10-MINUTE: Harold and Maeve are at it again, snooping and speculating about their neighbors. And of course, Maeve is not interfering, she's just being helpful. This play is a sequel or perhaps a prequel to my 2-minute play, The Neighbors, neither of which need to be performed together.
  • TikTok
    MONOLOGUE: A middle-age women tries to make a TikTok video.
  • Time in a Bottle
    10 MINUTES: Trey and Simone are on their honeymoon in Hawaii. The moment is perfect, so perfect that the moment should be captured, forever, in a bottle, which is maybe not the most perfect decision.
  • Unsocial Socials
    10-MINUTE: Glenda is holding a support group for teens to learn how to interact with people face-to-face.
  • Valentine's Day
    10 MINUTE: It's Valentine's Day, and two lovers are trying their best to surprise the other with gifts.
  • What Happens In a Vegas Bathroom
    10-MINUTE; A tampon, menstrual pad, and condom in a Las Vegas bathroom vending machine discuss their life's purposes.
  • Wine Soiree-Zoom Format
    10-MINUTE: Sonya's dead and cremated. Her guardian angels were too busy lollygagging, drinking wine, and partying via Zoom to notice. Is there anything that can be done to make the best of the situation? Perhaps there is.
  • Wine Soiree
    10-MINUTE: Sonya's dead and cremated. Her guardian angels were too busy lollygagging and drinking wine to notice. Is there anything that can be done to make the best of the situation? Perhaps there is.
  • Double Entrendre
    FULL-LENGTH: Vanessa's scene partner in her acting class is Kevin, a much younger man, and self-proclaimed recluse. Through witty text messages and rendezvouses to rehearse, this unlikely partnership blossoms into a loving relationship, much to the dismay of Vanessa's teenage kids and ex-husband. But Vanessa is so used to covering up the truth, that she becomes victim to it, affecting this new relationship and her family.