David Guaspari

Rosa, imprisoned in an unnamed dictatorship, is trying to convince an interrogator that he is Scorpion, an enemy agent prepared to turn traitor and sell military secrets. She faces a problem when Gilda enters, claiming also to be Scorpion.

Roscoe, imprisoned in an unnamed dictatorship, is trying to convince an interrogator that he is Scorpion, an enemy agent prepared to turn traitor and sell military secrets. He faces a problem when Guilbert enters, claiming also to be Scorpion.

Sam Hammer, answering a call from a semi-retired gangster, finds a body and a dame, neither of them who they first seem to be, along with a MacGuffin so mysterious that not even a criminal mastermind bothers to explain what it is.

Louis and Clark find that an annoying “team building” treasure hunt organized by their employer’s Human Resources department becomes steadily more sinister.

On Walpurgisnacht, Mortimer Todd makes a theatrical appearance at the home of Sigmund Freud, claiming to be Death itself. Freud begins to psychoanalyze his visitor, a proceeding complicated by the entrance of his sister-in-law Minna to announce that her goldfish Cleopatra has committed suicide. When Minna takes a shine to Todd, he allows her to choose who will be that night’s victim. Will Minna, fed up with relentless therapy, choose Freud? An impulsive act keeps her from changing the course of history.

M051, a philosophically inclined laboratory rat, shares his maze with F167, a female in the prime of life, and with a just-arrived young male, Y219. F167 lives for the thrill of the cheese and Y219 is eager for experience of any kind—``shock or cheese'' sounds like a win/win proposition. M051 has glimpsed law-like truths about their cosmos, but learns that leading an examined life does not exempt him from The Rodent Condition.

If your life-span is one hour, what are your options? Chick, Sam, Patty, and Frances are bugs just emerging after 17 years underground. Chick and Patty are raring to do what comes naturally. Frances knows, and Sam learns, they've got just 60 minutes to do it in.

Juliet is sitting peacefully atop a tall building when Roger creeps out on the ledge of a building across the street. His firm has suffered financial irregularities and he has been asked, literally, to take the fall. Can Juliet help? She’s learning how to fly.

Percival, a scientific rationalist who studies and catalogues solitary lost gloves, meets Kitty the romantic southern belle, who loses lots of gloves and seeks their missing mates (and hers).

Earnest young Velma Oklahoma would love to be the new Claudette Camembert, or for that matter the old Claudette. She engages Twenty Nine Steps, a service offering "personal transformation" -- a questionable company whose research campus is located in Tijuana. Their slogan: “We know the New You. Do you?” But the New You may not be what you bargain for.

A production of “Banquo (Exclamation point!)” is plagued by suspicious deaths. Is it the curse of the Scottish Musical?

Frank Sonata, an incompetent mobster, discovers a middleweight with a hidden past, Alegretto Grazioso, and plans to manage him to the top. But Frank is in debt to the dangerous gun moll, “Ma” Nontroppo, who appropriates a 50% interest in Al and protects it by fixing fights. Alegretto also has a hidden past with Frank’s current girlfriend, Demi Mondaine, an aspiring actress. And the trouble with dames is … that dames are trouble.

Phillip Cacciatore has quit raising ornamental chickens to pursue his life's true passion, collecting string, and to solve the mystery surrounding the tragic demise of his visionary string-collecting hero. Research materials are under the control of Ms. Cantabile, a reference librarian with a Past -- which his queries threaten to expose.

Donnie and Harriet, armed with the latest sociobiology, regard themselves as commanders on opposite sides of the battle of the sexes. As opposing generals, they try to direct the relationship of Simon (a Dungeons and Dragons type) with Henna (a compost and granola type). But sociobiology is no match for nerdiness.

At a local bookstore Melanie Palomar reads from New and Selected Poems of Melanie Palomar, whose publication the Macbeth Foundation has subsidized with a Near Genius Grant of $250. Melanie demands your complete attention.

The philosopher/mathematician/mystic Pythagoras shares a prison cell with the layabout Coriander, but seems maddeningly indifferent to such mundane details as their impending executions. Coriander is infatuated with the local heart throb Lyra, whose day job is, unfortunately, Poisoner's Assistant. They both want Pythagoras's secret knowledge—he in order to escape, she to become a Muse. But Pythagoras won't let them distract him from wrestling with the birth of an idea, something about a hypotenuse.

Legend credits Thales of Miletus, an ancient sage, with prodigies of invention. He is an engineer, the prototype absentminded professor, and the first to offer systematic rational explanations for natural
phenomena. His position is undermined when Thalia, a new seer, comes to town, and his indispensable servant Elia threatens to run off with Xeppo, a disillusioned disciple. Xeppo will prove to be a son Thales never knew he had, and Thalia to be Thales' long-ago ex-wife. Are love and sex mere forms of the madness that Thales' philosophizing attempts to supersede? Do they conquer all? And can anyone dispense with the gods altogether?

Zeno, the famous inventor of philosophical paradoxes is down to one disciple--Lysis, a slacker--and his beautiful young wife Diotima seems to be having an affair with the Bronze-Age jock Achilles. But Zeno's real problem is dissonance: his reason tell him to believe one thing, his eyes and ears another, and his desires something else again.

On a first date, Rex (art critic for a free newspaper) and LuAndy (would-be poet) stumble into his apartment to discover, perched on the coffee table, the Head of John the Baptist (a speaking role). Rex thinks this discovery could make his career. LuAndy is entranced. Her former friend Harriet, an ex-nun and current performance artist semi-magically arrives to pursue her own interest in religious icons. The encounter eventually touches all of life’s major bases: god, sex, death, art, stand-up comedy, and major household appliances.

Gavin Adams has isolated himself in a remote jungle hut for 20 years, ever since his work on the Alpine Booby was purged from the Encyclopedia of Extinct Species—on the grounds that the species never existed. He plans a triumphant comeback (and revenge), claiming now to have found a living colony of Alpine Booby, but his plan unravels when a would-be disciple tracks him down and offers to help.

The depths of the Cold War, a shabby rented room in a nameless city: Two spies surveilling a beautiful assassin learn that one of their agents is missing. Has he defected? Has she seduced him? Who is seducing whom?

The great physicist Erwin Schrödinger lives in a ménage with his wife Annie (who wants a vacation) and his mistress Hilde (who wants attention). He wants to add Heidi, a star-struck young student, but his attack on the Copenhagen Interpretation of quantum mechanics interferes with this romantic juggling act. Though he insists that a physical system cannot simultaneously exhibit incompatible states he is happy to swear undivided love to each of the women.

P.I. Dick is a private eye specializing in metaphysical problems. The femme fatale Lola VaVoom says she's distraught because God is dead and hires him to find the killer. But it’s a set-up.

Sondra, a performance artist currently working in lint, is angered to learn that the Macbeth Foundation grant she applied for has been awarded to the mysterious Zandor. When she learns that he is not a primitive genius from the Carpathian Mountains but Bernie Klopczyk from Paramus, New Jersey, a battle of Artist’s Statements ensues.

To take revenge on a girlfriend who dumped him Joel makes her a character in a stupid screenplay—but it’s not stupid enough.

Art Amalato learns from a routine physical that he has 10 minutes to live. His doctor, a technocrat, offers a Rube Goldberg treatment that he has developed himself—one with a perfect track record of failure. So Art considers his options: Treatment? Good deeds? Beer pong? What about the beautiful Nurse Nora, who has a history of romance with men in similar situations? Love conquers all, for as long as it lasts.

There's a right way and a wrong way to do everything—even, or especially, in a men's room.

A tribute to Bob and Ray: Fritz Merkle is interviewed about his career as Radio Artist, Radio Taxidermist, and Radio Mathematician.

Late 19th century Paris: Suzanne wants a portrait that will attract a noble lover. Pierre, a would-be avant garde artist, wants to create a scandal.

Brother Louis has become the unwilling object of a cult, people who believe he can channel music from the famous dead. When Cecilia believes she sees a sign—the face of Saint Cecilia, patron saint of music—imprinted on a piece of toast, she demands that Louis teach her how to hear the saint.