John Busser

John Busser

John Busser is an actor/writer/graphic artist from the Cleveland area. He is the co-runner of Cleveland Public Theatre’s writer's workshop, The Dark Room which helps new and seasoned playwrights test drive new work. He is the author of over 95 short plays that have been produced throughout the US, Canada, the UK and most recently, Australia.

He is also living proof that 100 monkeys with 100...
John Busser is an actor/writer/graphic artist from the Cleveland area. He is the co-runner of Cleveland Public Theatre’s writer's workshop, The Dark Room which helps new and seasoned playwrights test drive new work. He is the author of over 95 short plays that have been produced throughout the US, Canada, the UK and most recently, Australia.

He is also living proof that 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters still can't write anything as stupid as his usual fare. He accepts this, and so should you.

Plays

  • Hell Toupée
    15 MINUTES - Bill needs to keep a secret from a new love interest, and he goes to the one man who can
    help sweep that secret under the rug. A very special rug...
  • Allen Abduction
    10 MINUTES - When Allen took a wrong turn in UFO country, he ends up in the last place he wants to be.
  • A Conversation About Mom
    10 MINUTE - At a cemetery, a son helps his father attempt to mend fences between him and his long lost wife before it’s too late.

    Revised 09/21
  • A First-Draft Second-Rate Love Story
    10 MINUTE - Will our lovers (one handed stevedore John and multiple named ingenue Vivian/Miriam/Marian) find the love that’s eluded them for so long, or will Vivian’s shocking past prove too much? Stay tuned for another exciting updated draft which may or may not answer those questions.
  • A Higher Power
    15 Minutes - It’ll take a miracle to get through being arrested when you’re Peter, Paul and Jesus Christ. Just not the kind the Disciples were expecting...
  • A Long Overdue Talk With Henry
    10 MINUTE - (Monologue) A recent widow is able to keep the lines of communication going when her late husband reincarnates in an unexpected way.
  • A Second Chance to Say Goodbye
    10 Minutes - During an evening blizzard, a young man attempts to connect with a dying mother who doesn’t remember him.
  • And Try NOT To Enjoy Your Stay
    10 MINUTE - (Monologue) A tour at THIS museum is all fun and games until someone gets killed.
  • Annnd Scene (of the Crime)
    10 MINUTE - A suspect in a murder creates a scene during his interrogation. Many scenes, actually. And why does that one cop keep ringing a bell?

    Annnd Scene (of the Crime) has been included in the Smith & Kraus Best Ten Minute Plays of 2022 collection.
  • Arm's Length Romance (A Duologue)
    12 MINUTE - They love you just as far away as you are.
  • A Wicked Slice
    10 MINUTE - Because who doesn’t enjoy a nice, friendly, cut-throat game of golf?
  • Big Date
    10 MINUTE - When the 50-ft Woman and the Amazing Colossal Man go out on a date, it’s a night on the town… literally
  • Burying the Lead (or Playing Dead)
    10 MINUTES - A funeral scene goes awry when the dead (possibly lead) character realizes she may have
    chosen to accept the wrong part.
  • Children's Letters To Satan
    10-15 MINUTE - (Multiple Monologues) The weather outside may be frightful, but these kid’s Christmas lists are even more so.
  • Children's Letters to Satan (and Other Horrible Scribblings)
    90 MINUTES-2 HOURS - What do Mother Teresa, one bad driver, a man telling tall tales to his granddaughter, a missing golf ball, a brand new car, a hero running out of time, the misspellings of children and Satan himself have in common? They’re all fodder for the not-quite-right mind of writer John Busser. These seven one-act plays take you from Calcutta to Mexico, with side trips to golf courses, hospital...
    90 MINUTES-2 HOURS - What do Mother Teresa, one bad driver, a man telling tall tales to his granddaughter, a missing golf ball, a brand new car, a hero running out of time, the misspellings of children and Satan himself have in common? They’re all fodder for the not-quite-right mind of writer John Busser. These seven one-act plays take you from Calcutta to Mexico, with side trips to golf courses, hospital waiting rooms, suburban homes, and car dealerships. Oh, he’ll also take you to Hell and back for good measure.
  • Clairvoyáge
    15-20 MINUTES - Will Janice find true love and a bargain on vacation costs? One spiritual medium shakes things up when she says “All signs point to YES!”
  • Climbing the Corporate Bladder
    15 MINUTE - A new hire finds out how to move sideways to success.
  • Confidence Scan
    10 MINUTE - Welcome to Neovation. We’re confident that this will be your dream job. As long as you are too.
  • Death Plans A Holiday
    15 MINUTES - Death is definitely a headache for one unlucky travel agent.
  • Doppel Date
    15 MINUTE - Table for two turns out to be a table for four. Even if two of them don’t necessarily like it.
  • Dr. Wu Has Been Eliminated
    10 MINUTE - In an evil secret hideout, something has gone wrong. Dr. Wu is dead. Who did it? And why?
  • Euripides, You Buy-a Dese
    10 MINUTES - At Uncle Maxie’s Discount House of Philosophy, you can get all your fundamental questions of existence answered... for a price (half off on Tuesdays).

    Uncle Maxie's monologue has been included in the Smith & Kraus Best Men's Monologues of 2023 collection.
  • Feeder (A Monologue)
    15 Minutes - A woman looks out into her garden area and wonders why, with such a beautiful old bird
    feeder in her yard, that nothing ever seems to use it. But something does...

    NOTE: This play contains some references of spousal abuse.
  • Fifty Shades of Grayskull: An Autocorrected Play
    15 Minute - Prince Adam has a problem with his castle and arch enemy Skeletor is bound and
    determined to help him. Although HE may not be the one who is bound.

    NOTE: This was an experiment to write a play using the autocorrect text feature as a way to alter the
    narrative. At points in the play, I used my phone's autocorrect predictive text feature to choose what was
    ...
    15 Minute - Prince Adam has a problem with his castle and arch enemy Skeletor is bound and
    determined to help him. Although HE may not be the one who is bound.

    NOTE: This was an experiment to write a play using the autocorrect text feature as a way to alter the
    narrative. At points in the play, I used my phone's autocorrect predictive text feature to choose what was
    typed. I did not alter this procedure although I did not use it on everything. just where I wanted to
    change up the narrative. I then altered the story to reflect whatever odd choices came up. This was done
    to see if I could make the story work despite whatever text was written.
    I don't know if this succeeded or not. You decide.
  • Follow the Misleader
    10-15 Minute - Actors in a play are at the mercy of their stage directions. Although “mercy” is probably
    the wrong word.

    NOTE: I wanted to try something a little different with this play and so, I have two scripts here. The first is for the Stage Directions character (who is actually in the play), whose dialogue IS the stage directions of the play. ((There ARE some actual stage directions...
    10-15 Minute - Actors in a play are at the mercy of their stage directions. Although “mercy” is probably
    the wrong word.

    NOTE: I wanted to try something a little different with this play and so, I have two scripts here. The first is for the Stage Directions character (who is actually in the play), whose dialogue IS the stage directions of the play. ((There ARE some actual stage directions specifically for the SD character that are double-bracketed.))

    The second script is for the other actors and contains none of the stage directions. They will only HEAR the Sage Directions character dialogue, therefore they must listen and follow the directions OF the Stage Directions character. At certain points, I allowed some leeway to improvise for the Stage Directions character, that would let him/her direct some of the comedic moments on the stage. This could lengthen or shorten the play dependent on how much the actors are played with.

    I hope that isn't as confusing to you as it was to figure it out at first. I don't know if it will work, but I gave it a shot.
  • Forgive Thyself
    15 MINUTE - A priest has his job cut out for him when a very special woman drops by with a need to confess.
  • Gag Economy
    8-10 MINUTES - (Monologue) A woman, recently downsized, finds a new way to make ends meet, with the help of all the men who kept their jobs while she lost hers.
  • Getting Her Exorcise
    10 MINUTE - It’s Mother’s Day in Hell and someone’s mom isn’t feeling particularly evil. It’s up to her devoted son to help her make the worst of a good day.
  • Getting Her Exorcise - Audio Version
    10 MINUTE - It’s Mother’s Day in Hell and someone’s mom isn’t feeling particularly evil. It’s up to her devoted son to help her make the worst of a good day.

    Reworked for audio presentation.
  • Going Out on a Limb
    10 MINUTE - A Tooth Fairy on the verge of unemployment finds a new way to generate revenue that won’t cost the company an arm and a leg. The same can’t be said of the customers though.
  • Golden Kiss
    15-20 MINUTE - A love triangle between a man, a woman and a Golden Retriever with an unfortunate drinking problem.
  • Guardian
    10 MINUTE - All that stands between life and possible death for two survivors of a biological disaster is a good dog looking out for them both.
  • Hanging On For Near Life
    15 MINUTE - A woman wants a grandchild from her son and is going to wait well past her expiration date to get it.
  • Hold My Hand (a one-minute play)
    1 MINUTE - A little late-night cuddling gets a rude interruption.
  • Holding Pattern
    10 MINUTES - It’s a bumpy ride for Amelia Earhart with a full bladder and a trans Atlantic flight well under way.
    NOTE: This could easily be adapted as a radio play
  • I Love You More Than I Can Bear
    10 MINUTE - When Arthur decides to tell dinner date Orianna his big secret, things turn hairy in a hurry. Or maybe furry in a hurry is a better way to put it.
  • In A World...
    10 MINUTE - Meet Carl Dimby, a mild-mannered man who needed some help to turn him into a hero. But being a hero takes more than lip service from the world’s greatest voice-over artist.
  • Incentive Program
    10-15 MINUTE - Finch wanted a car. He’ll get a deal on it, whether he wants it or not.
  • It Came From Beneath the Far Right
    10 Minutes - A rampaging Creature with only one thing on its mind! Win at all costs! While the Democrats tremble...It Came From the Far Right!
  • It's the Thought... That Kills!
    10 MINUTE - Hard drinking P.I. Cliff Hammond attempts to solve a murder in his office, but everyone (including the deceased) has their own thoughts on the matter.
  • It Jungle Out There
    10 MINUTE - Tarzan looks for love in the Concrete Jungle.
  • Law and Mail Order
    10 MINUTES - The long arm of the law gets an online upgrade for one unlucky driver.
  • Lent Me Your Ears (An Easter Tail)
    10 MINUTE - A suburban family finds out the true meaning of Easter when a Heavenly visitor drops in to set them straight. And he won’t be walking on any Easter eggshells when he does it.
  • Let Lying Dogs Sleep
    10 MINUTES - A couple wonders if their marriage is strong enough for the truth.

    Originally written in 2008, revised slightly in 2024.
  • Letters for Eunice (A Civil War Correspondence)
    10-15 MINUTES - A series of letters from a young Civil War soldier and the object of his desires opens up a
    whole new front in the battle of the sexes.
  • Man's Next Friend
    10 MINUTES - Daisy, an artificial life form considers the role she plays in society while sizing up the competition, an old mutt named Champ. (A monologue)
  • Midler on the Roof
    10 MINUTE - When a woman who feels like she’s no longer at the top of her game won’t come down off
    the top of her house, it’s up to a couple of New York’s Finest to come to the rescue.
  • Moses' Nephew Ted Explains the 10 Commitments: An Autocorrected Monologue
    10 MINUTE - A TED talk long on commitment but short on vision. Ted’s vision, that is.

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT PREDICTIVE TEXT FEATURE TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS TYPED. I DID NOT ALTER THIS PROCEDURE ALTHOUGH I DID NOT USE IT ON EVERYTHING. JUST WHERE I WANTED...
    10 MINUTE - A TED talk long on commitment but short on vision. Ted’s vision, that is.

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT PREDICTIVE TEXT FEATURE TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS TYPED. I DID NOT ALTER THIS PROCEDURE ALTHOUGH I DID NOT USE IT ON EVERYTHING. JUST WHERE I WANTED TO CHANGE UP THE NARRATIVE. I THEN ALTERED THE STORY TO REFLECT WHATEVER ODD CHOICES CAME UP. THIS WAS DONE TO SEE IF I COULD MAKE THE STORY WORK DESPITE WHATEVER TEXT WAS WRITTEN. (I don't know if this succeeded or not. You decide.)
  • Mr. Spinoza, Substitute Creature
    10 MINUTE - As your regular monster is currently indisposed, meet, Mr. Spinoza. He’ll be your substitute creature for today.

    * inspired by fellow playwright Evan Baughfman
  • Mr. Spinoza, Substitute Creature - Audio Version
    10 MINUTE - As your regular monster is currently indisposed, meet, Mr. Spinoza. He’ll be your substitute creature for today. Reworked for audio.

    * inspired by fellow playwright Evan Baughfman
  • New, From the Makers of LaffTrax...
    10 MINUTE - When Dad just can’t seem to laugh it up, it may be time for a new medication, fast-acting MorNorkin, serious medicine for serious dads!

    *a small tribute to a couple of fellow playwrights. They'll know who they are.
  • New Girl in Town (a one minute play)
    1 MINUTE - Some girls can’t be controlled when they are unleashed... or leashed
  • Not Backing Up, Not Backing Down
    20 MINUTE - Two Alpha males attempt to negotiate leaving a parking lot without losing face, patience or any more car parts.
  • Not So Close To Our Hearts
    15 MINUTE - When the Italian mob wants to pay respects to one of their own, public health concerns threaten the sendoff.
  • Obstacle
    10 MINUTE - (Monologue) Events take a wrong turn for a driver’s ed teacher trying to do what he was trained for.
  • Old Wives' Tail (One Act)
    ONE ACT (APPROX 30 MIN) - An old man tells his granddaughter the real reason behind Grandma’s trip to the hospital.
  • Opening Night (a play for Zoom)
    10 MINUTE - Jacquie's got the part. Now she just needs someone to look at it.
  • Pilates of the Carob Eaten: An Autocorrected Play
    10 MINUTE - A pirate crew in search of a sweet treasure finds the downside of having a big booty.

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT PREDICTIVE TEXT FEATURE TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS TYPED. I DID NOT ALTER THIS PROCEDURE ALTHOUGH I DID NOT USE IT ON EVERYTHING. JUST...
    10 MINUTE - A pirate crew in search of a sweet treasure finds the downside of having a big booty.

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT PREDICTIVE TEXT FEATURE TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS TYPED. I DID NOT ALTER THIS PROCEDURE ALTHOUGH I DID NOT USE IT ON EVERYTHING. JUST WHERE I WANTED TO CHANGE UP THE NARRATIVE. I THEN ALTERED THE STORY TO REFLECT WHATEVER ODD CHOICES CAME UP. THIS WAS DONE TO SEE IF I COULD MAKE THE STORY WORK DESPITE WHATEVER TEXT WAS WRITTEN. (I don't know if this succeeded or not. You decide.)
  • Programming (T)error
    10-12 MINUTE - (Monologue) Blue Screen of Death? Call our Tech Support wizards today. We’ll help you out... or die trying.
  • Quentin Tarantino's PG-13 Crime Movie
    10 MINUTES - Samuel L. Jackson and Quentin Tarantino have made many classic films. But what happens when they fall into a mousetrap?
  • Quentin Tarantino's G-Rated Crime Movie (a 1 minute companion piece to Quentin Tarantino’s PG-13 Crime Movie)
    1 MINUTE - A film that will probably never happen...
  • Release the Karen!
    (10 MINUTES) - A city under siege in 332 BC is attacked by their foe’s most fearsome weapon of all, and she’s not leaving till she finds some olives.

    The Karen's monologue has been included in the Smith & Kraus Best Women's Monologues of 2022 collection.
  • Right For The Part
    10 MINUTE - An actor proves he’s got the right stuff to take on any role. Even the wrong one.
  • Schrödinger’s Highway
    10 MINUTE - A tiring, late-night drive on the interstate takes a turn for the weird when a couple has to decide whether the car hit something or someone... or not
  • Sexual Politics in the Worst Place
    10 MINUTES - Three women confronting a supernatural masked killer of promiscuous teens attempt to save themselves by bragging about their sexual exploits. Not their own, of course...
  • Something Borrowed...
    10-15 MINUTE - A woman tending her garden decides she’s had enough of her little sister borrowing everything from her, and decides she wants one very important thing back.
  • Spill Chick: An Autocorrected Play
    10 MINUTE - Two people begin the process of courting... if only they could get off their phones and off
    their asses to sit next to each other.

    NOTE: This was an experiment to write a play using the autocorrect text feature as a way to alter the narrative. At points in the play, I used my phone's autocorrect predictive text feature to choose what was typed. I did not alter this...
    10 MINUTE - Two people begin the process of courting... if only they could get off their phones and off
    their asses to sit next to each other.

    NOTE: This was an experiment to write a play using the autocorrect text feature as a way to alter the narrative. At points in the play, I used my phone's autocorrect predictive text feature to choose what was typed. I did not alter this procedure although I did not use it on everything. just where I wanted to change up the narrative. I then altered the story to reflect whatever odd choices came up. This was done to see if I could make the story work despite whatever text was written.

    I don't know if this succeeded or not. You decide.
  • Steve of Absence (A lighter companion piece to This Person DID Exist)
    10 MINUTES - A website using AI to create images of non-existent people may just have erased an existing one.

    This is one half of an experiment to take the same basic idea and put two different spins on it. In this take, the story takes on a comedic absurd flavor and gets generally goofier in tone.
  • Stiff Competition
    10 MINUTE - A literal “killer” science fair project prompts an after school discussion between a father and teacher.
  • Taken to School
    12 MINUTES - A father driving his son to school wants to show his son some things he won’t learn in a classroom. But this kid has a few lessons of his own to teach.
  • Tax Preparation for Dogs (3 short plays about the hard-of-hearing)
    10 MINUTE - One tax professional, three dogs, and a couple of misunderstandings.
  • Taylor-Made
    15 MINUTES - A couple get their greatest wish, a baby on the way, but both have a few ideas about customizing the package before the big day.
  • Temporal Physiques
    10-15 MINUTE - Scientists trying to invent a time machine accidentally stumble onto a greater discovery; how to shed those unwanted holiday pounds.
  • The Admission
    10 MINUTE - (Monologue) Mother Teresa takes a cigarette break from Sainthood
  • The Cost of Dying
    10-15 MINUTE - Two men have a conversation in a restroom that will have dire consequences for one of them.
  • The Courtesy Call of C'Thulhu
    10-15 MINUTES - A University Professor must deal with a persistent caller who goes above and beyond to make him an offer he can’t refuse. Or perhaps the caller was already “above and beyond”...
  • The Dieting of Anne Frank: An Autocorrected Play
    10 MINUTE - In WWII, a young girl hiding out with her family must deal with confinement, boredom and the paparazzi amidst the horrors of war. (Also, the author had an unfortunate tendency to spellcheck with the autocorrect on)

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT...
    10 MINUTE - In WWII, a young girl hiding out with her family must deal with confinement, boredom and the paparazzi amidst the horrors of war. (Also, the author had an unfortunate tendency to spellcheck with the autocorrect on)

    NOTE: THIS WAS AN EXPERIMENT TO WRITE A PLAY USING THE AUTOCORRECT TEXT FEATURE AS A WAY TO ALTER THE NARRATIVE. AT POINTS IN THE PLAY I USED MY PHONE'S AUTOCORRECT PREDICTIVE TEXT FEATURE TO CHOOSE WHAT WAS TYPED. I DID NOT ALTER THIS PROCEDURE ALTHOUGH I DID NOT USE IT ON EVERYTHING. JUST WHERE I WANTED TO CHANGE UP THE NARRATIVE. I THEN ALTERED THE STORY TO REFLECT WHATEVER ODD CHOICES CAME UP. THIS WAS DONE TO SEE IF I COULD MAKE THE STORY WORK DESPITE WHATEVER TEXT WAS WRITTEN. (I don't know if this succeeded or not. You decide.)
  • The Fast and the Führer-Less
    10-15 MINUTE - The scientists of a newly-invented time machine attempt to put an end to an old matter of some importance to them.
  • The Graveyard Shift Bites
    10 MINUTES - It’s a wild Saturday night at fast food restaurant, The Meat Shack and the drive through crowd is out for blood, in more ways than one.
  • The High School Yearbook Picture of Dorian Gray
    10-15 MINUTE - It's Picture Day at Lipincott High School and not quite everyone is excited to get their yearbook picture taken.
  • The Island Timeshare of Dr. Moreau
    10 MINUTE - All is not well on the Island of Dr. Moreau when unexpected guests drop in. It appears the House of Pain has been double-booked.
  • The Mandryk Effect
    10 MINUTES - With a report due in the morning, 2 desperate children plead with their father to show them
    how to make use of “The Mandryk Effect”, a real world phenomena (I may or may not have made up.)

    *A tribute to fellow playwright, comedic genius and fastest writer I know, Greg Mandryk (who's work you should definitely check out on NPX)
  • The Shelf on the Elf: A Brick Fistula Mystery
    15 MINUTE - It's a murder at the North Pole. Did Santa slay? Brick Fistula, hard-drinking, fast-talking, private eye is gonna find out who’s naughty... and who’s guilty!
  • The Wrap Up
    10-15 MINUTE - Two low-level pyramid builders learn all about job security when their newest client moves in prematurely.
  • They're In There
    10-15 MINUTE - A man has trouble getting to sleep due to some unwanted visitors that are a lot closer than he thinks. If they're even there...
  • This Person DID Exist (A darker companion piece to Steve of Absence)
    10 MINUTES - A website using AI to create images of non-existent people may just have erased an existing one.

    This is one half of an experiment to take the same basic idea and put two different spins on it. In this take, the story takes on a Twilight-Zone flavor and gets generally darker in tone.
  • Time Travelers Can Apply Yesterday
    15 MINUTE - A man applies for a job he already had… or has? Will he or did he get the job? It’s a tense(s) situation.
  • Treasure (a one-minute play)
    1 MINUTE - The smallest things can be the greatest prizes.
  • Ugly Doctor Hospital
    10-15 MINUTES - (A radio play) Unless he learns to work with ordinary-looking physicians, new Doctor Vaughn will find himself in over his head, because he’s too handsome to practice medicine at... Ugly Doctor Hospital!
  • Under A Watchful Eye
    10-15 MINUTE - (Monologue) A few days before Christmas, a woman visits her comatose father in the hospital, and tells him why she will always be there for him.
  • Up Against the 4th Wall
    10-15 MINUTE - It's curtains for intrepid adventurer Dash Malone as he runs up against his own worst enemy, his big mouth.
  • Waiting On Mom, Who Already Left
    10 MINUTE - A brother and sister at the funeral home of their recently deceased mother have different
    ways of dealing with life and death.

    NOTE: This is a 10 minute version of the first scene of a full length comic-drama.
  • Wetworking From Home (a play for Zoom)
    15 MINUTE - It’s hard to make a living in a pandemic economy. Especially when you’re a hitman who’s a bit of a high-risk germaphobe.
  • You Went There -Audio Version
    5 minutes - It’s a special anniversary for Janice tonight. Too bad her husband Gordon has no idea what it is. He’s going to have to do a lot of tongue wagging to get out of this one.
  • You Went There
    5 minutes - It’s a special anniversary for Janice tonight. Too bad her husband Gordon has no idea what it is. He’s going to have to do a lot of tongue wagging to get out of this one.