Bethany Dickens Assaf

(75 MINUTE ONE ACT) After suffering personal losses, 'living weapons' Eliot and Raeffe are sent to a distant planet where they can work out their feelings without posing a danger to society. But as the facility around them begins to collapse, and their mourning is made more complicated by complex feelings for one another, they begin to realize they might never return to Earth. Will they get control of their emotions in time? Or are some griefs never-ending?

"Woodlands" is a roguelike video game. It's also the first game by a new indie company. And the first *real* game by Sammi Raez (and maybe the last??). And the chance for Link Davis to prove to Sammi that she's sorry for being such a jerk at the last game studio they worked for. Oh - and it's an 'EFF YOU' to said studio. It's a lot of things. It's also supposed to be done in four hours.

But as a hurricane barrels toward Greater Game Studios, Sammi, Link, and their team are afraid the game won't be ready in time. And then what happens to "Woodlands" and everything they thought it could be?

It's 1976. Misty is just a high school junior but feels like her life is already basically over. She's gonna grow up, marry the boy next door, have kids - just like her parents. UGH.
It's 1981. Misty is pregnant and falling for the boy next door, who happens to be the father.
It's 1986. Misty is throwing up in a trash can, pregnant again.
It's 1991. Shane - the boy next door turned bitter middle-aged-man - loses his job.
It's 1996, then 2001, then 2006. The kids are okay but the marriage is exploding.
It's 2011. Misty loses the house.
It's 2034. Is it too late to start over?

11 two-hander scenes and an optional ending tell a story of love, legacy, and regret through the lens of one marriage. The scenes can be shown in any order or even selected by the audience, weaving together a director's vision of how Gen X has lived and scratched together meaning following the collapse of the American dream.

(60 MINUTE ONE ACT) Con and Edie are rooftopping the tallest building in the City. Are the epic thrills and selfies worth the risk of dying, getting arrested, and maybe even losing their relationship? Why do they do this shit anyway?

FULL-LENGTH: Wren and Kylee are pregnant and newly married, but there are issues - they're only 18, living in a falling-apart house in the suburbs, Kylee can't make decent coffee, and Wren isn't the 'provider' he wants to be. Things get worse when a ghost that looks kinda like Wren's Nana shows up during the only, eleven-minute slice of day when Wren and Kylee actually get to see each other. Will these two metal-heads be able to come together and defeat the spectral figure? Or have they lost too much of themselves to be a part of something bigger?

(60 MINUTE ONE PERSON SHOW) Rylan is trapped in Anderson, Indiana. Same high school friends. Same parties. Same down-and-out job at the mini-part twelve miles north of town. Same friend, except he's a vampire now, and he's draining Rylan dry.
Rylan wants out.

10 MINUTE: It's the Christmas season again, and as usual Melissa is frantically working on giving her son Jayden the 'perfect' Christmas, complete with the 'perfect' gift. But there's a problem - this year, all Jayden wants for Christmas is pizza. Desperate to continue a tradition of outstanding gift-giving - that has potentially become a bit toxic? - Melissa pushes Jayden until he reveals the true reason for his unusual request.

(10 MINUTE - plays well with Zoom but can be staged) Holy crap. Andy is in charge of family Christmas this year and in between planning the decorations, getting four trees, and accommodating everyone's dietary needs (Great Aunt Louise is only eating what Jesus ate) she is...overwhelmed. So she does what any modern woman would do: turn to Tik Tok, YouTube, and Pinterest for advice. Can she discover the secret to how all these Influencers are creating the PERFECT Christmas?

(10 MINUTE) Taylor and Rory are sitting in an idyllic garden - it's a perfect place. The only downside might be that it's not real. And they can't touch each other. But the world outside is so horrible, Rory might still want to live here forever.

(10 MINUTE) At the wedding of their second child, Deanna and Hal are also celebrating at more secret important milestone - their adult-ish kids are surely now settled enough for them to get divorced and start living their own lives. But as freedom stretches out in front of them, they begin to wonder if they even remember enough about themselves to know where EXACTLY they are going when the wedding is over.

TEN MINUTE: Danny, a high school student in 1984, is struggling to find the perfect words to ask his crush, Lisa to prom. His cynical best friend Tara is skeptical that English-speaking people even have enough words to talk about ‘love,’ with all of its many forms and functions. To illustrate her point, Tara takes the audience on a decades-long journey through Danny’s personal and familial history, ending in a realization that the love she and Danny have been looking for is different - and closer - than they expected.

(FULL LENGTH) It's the off season on a vacation island just off the East Coast of Florida, leaving 60s-somethings Jean and Hazel alone as a storm begins to kick up. Or are they truly alone? Has the handsome young man Hazel's been (maybe sorta accidentally) stalking continued to reside in his car by the beach? And is there something even more dangerous - and supernatural - watching them from the water?

TEN MINUTE: Tom is struggling to complete his newest play, but he’s having trouble with the main female character - for years, he’s used Angel as his muse, but times have changed, and she’s locked in a closet. Still, she calls him, a representative symbol of the mythic ‘ideal woman’ across time. Tom eventually releases her, but to a new role: the object of his anger that she is no longer an acceptable representation of the female voice.

(60-70 MINUTE ONE-ACT, LENGTH DEPENDS ON HOW SERIOUS YOUR FIGHT CHOREO IS :D) Poppy and her best friend Bella (aka POP AND BT) are the most popular double female Dragonball Super Card Game openers on YouTube (over 1,100 subscribers!!!) and are seriously GOING places if they could only pull a God Rare and keep Poppy's brother Cammi from crashing their streaming space. But is chasing their dream - and the ultimate card - worth is when some of the guys commenting on them are just so...creepy? This question gets really serious when one of their fans unexpectedly shows up at Poppy's house.

(10 minute) Lydia wakes up after a bender to realize she's having an alien encounter with an entity who's never heard of a species where the majority of creatures are 'straight.' Lydia soon realizes she's found what she was always looking for. Is she ready to leave the predominantly heterosexual Earth? Should she feel bad for wanting to?

(FULL LENGTH PLAY SET VIRTUALLY) Sara has left rural Ohio and her trad wife lifestyle to pursue her dreams of playwriting in LA. Her husband Kay is now trying to take care of the house and appear supportive (he's not trying that hard). As the two attempt to keep in communication using Marco Polo (a video messaging app) strange things begin to happen on both sides of the calls. As these phenomenon get progressively weirder, darker, and haunting, the two have to decide whether or not they are even capable of handling shit on their own.

** The play is meant to be set on Marco Polo but could be over Zoom...in person...a multimedia thing...idk, you tell me I just wanted to write it! :D

TEN MINUTE: As an hellish squid monster wreaks havoc on their city, the superhero known as The Hammer tries to recruit the only hero strong enough to save the world: Bird Girl. But unfortunately, Bird Girl’s signature powers, including flight, aren’t functioning. Convinced this is because of their recent breakup, the Hammer begins a desperate attempt to cheer the hero up, only to find that making someone happy - truly happy - isn’t as simple as she’d always assumed.

(90 MINUTE ONE ACT): Mika, a stay-at-home-mom to a 1-year old, is trying (so stupid hard) to be the perfect trad wife to her partner Christina but it's...not going well. In desperation she asks her Mommy Group for advice - they always seem to put-together and perfect! Mika is shocked when Mommy Group reveal their secret to suburban success - they are actually a coven of witches who use magic to cook, clean, and bake picture-perfect desserts. Should desperate Mika try this route? Will Christine notice??? And what happens when the demonic forces get out of control and summon an ancient monster in the basement?????

10 MINUTE - Delia and Bekah have been running a public-access, call in Star Trek fan show for-literally-ever (yes, it's the 1990s). But something is off with Bekah lately and it's ruining the vibe. Can Delia deal with her so-called friend, save the show, and give their faithful audience the quality TNG content they need for their Friday night?

90 MINUTE ONE ACT: Izzy and Bex officially meet at a Christian youth camp in in 2005. They are immediately drawn to each other, but super-hyper-lift-hands-up-in-worship-Christian Izzy is too afraid of the Rapture to pursue the relationship at first, and Bex isn't really into all that stuff. As they slowly grow closer, they realize they are super-close to falling in love or at least kissing. Will they be able to find a way to make it work or will the spiritual forces - and mean youth groups girls - of this world keep them apart forever?

FIVE MINUTE: Maria is throwing a dinner party when Connor lets it slip that the two are a couple, despite a sizable age difference. As the two argue over what to even call their relationship, they both begin to recognize their time together might be ending.

FULL LENGTH: Nancy and Gena are two middle-aged women who run a semi-famous true crime podcast named 'Dead Meats.' When Nancy's former student, Harri, returns home from college with a terrible - and, possibly, true - crime story, the three women are pulled into a dark narrative of their own.

Upon first glance, Dax Laraeda might seem as though she has achieved the status in the warrior-kingdom of Parafaxia she’s always desired. She is only the second woman to be honored
with the title of ‘Grangeman’ and, unlike most women, she fights, curses, drinks, and beds whomever she wishes. And yet she is beset by a chorus of voices who speak to her in the night,
accusing her of not achieving or being enough to overcome her weaknesses. Something is not right. Will she find what she's looking for in Enys Aren - the fortress that magically can be entered only be women?

This is Part I of a 4+ hour feminist, queer, heavy metal, sword-and-sorcery play: "The Heroine's Journey."

FULL LENGTH: When her metal-headed ex-husband and friends show up at her door claiming the zombie apocalypse is coming, Elize is...skeptical to say the least. This isn't the first time they've been sure all signs pointed to World War Z (or The Last of Us or The Walking Dead or the best zombie movie ever aka ZOMBIE SHARKS). But as the night progresses, Elize realizes they might be right, and the world ending may foil her last chance to get away from Palm Bay and her deadbeat friends. Maybe that's a good thing? Is fighting side by side with these guys actually where she belongs?

When her mother is attacked, her love is betrothed, and the leader of the rebels unjustly imprisoned, warrior Dax Laraeda begins to see cracks in the Parafaxian kingdom she's been a part of for so long, rooted in the behavior of the men around her - men she so long aspired to become.

This is Part II of a 4+ hour feminist, queer, heavy metal, sword-and-sorcery play: "The Heroine's Journey."

TEN MINUTE: Susan is trying to pull up a video of her kids singing 'Happy Birthday' for her father's eighty-first birthday, but it's difficult given they are speaking through a window due to the COVID-19 quarantine. Louis, her father, doesn't make things easier: he's resentful Susan left him at the nursing home and now wants her to break him out.

In the final chapter of this epic story, Dax Laraeda begins a journey of self-discovery and awareness that leads to a role in the rebellion and the community of magical women she has, for so long, despised.

This is Part III of a 4+ hour feminist, queer, heavy metal, sword-and-sorcery play: "The Heroine's Journey."

TEN MINUTE: When Jenn, a new mom, asks her friend Skylar for help, Skylar hatches the perfect plan: Babysitter. Clubs. And shots! Shots! Shots! It'll be just like old times!
But Jenn is stuck searching for her baby's security stuffed animal, and has to pump, and the bathrooms aren't clean, and she can't find that full diaper she put down a second ago, and maybe she doesn't feel like going out????
A play about reevaluating relationships when everything has changed and we can't find the stupid elephant.

(ONE-ACT - 60-70 MINUTES DEPENDING ON YOUR STAGE COMBAT) Ricky and Crys are celebrating Greer's bachelorette party by exploring the old tunnels under their small town - when suddenly, Greer's fiancee and his toxic male bros start chasing them, but THEN an ancient and horrific monster begins chasing the bros! Will the trio of ladies decide to save the men? Or leave abandon them to their (deserved?) fates?

ONE-ACT (Approximately 75 minutes): Evie and Loren look like a perfect match when they find each other on Tinder - except she’s his ex-mother-in-law. Willing to re-connect and desperate to have a first ‘date’ that isn’t horrible, Evie agrees to meet with Loren, who is searching for a way back to his ex-wife. Over the course of a date that ends up lasting 24 hours, Evie and Loren learn a lot - too much? - about each other, avoid concerned calls from Evie’s children, and get through about twenty ‘first date’ questions before realizing they might be in danger of doing something that everyone, including about thirty Yahoo Answers contributors and Evie and Loren themselves, find really problematic - falling in love.

FULL LENGTH: Dr. Maia Ritter has just achieved a milestone: the first female chair of the history department at her university. But is that really what she wants to be remembered for? The answer is, ‘not really’; in spite of pressure from feminist groups - like the one her mentee, Portia, helms - Maia wants to make significant strides in graduate student placement and research. Maia’s plans are upended, however, with Portia makes a harassment and bullying claim against the department’s brightest star: Dr. Leopold Brewer.

TEN MINUTE: When Lenora, a competitive swimmer, finds she is being disqualified from a competition because her testosterone levels are unusually high for a woman. This announcement imperils her aspirations as a swimmer and challenges her relationships with friends and family. It also leads Lenora down an introspective look through her life and experiences as a ‘girl.’

FIVE MINUTE: Taylor is breaking up with Jodi...for a really unexpected reason.

10 MINUTE: A data scientist maps out a network to predict the complex twists and turns of one of life's most unfathomable mysteries: love. Either way, this is going to end badly.

10 MINUTE: Elena is struggling to write a new play, but advice from long-dead writers, belligerent readers, and competing expectations from herself and her parents (i.e.: context) are stifling her creativity. When her best efforts fail, she is forced to confront why she became a writer in the first place.

FULL LENGTH: Greer has taken her girlfriend Heather, on a ‘relaxing’ trip to a midwestern lakeside cabin, with the intent of helping Heather relax and get off alcohol before they begin fertilization treatments, but the tensions build when it becomes obvious to Greer that sobering up Heather - a fully in-denial alcoholic - won’t be an easy task. Making things awkward is the sudden arrival of Dillon, Greer’s cousin, and a bisexual conservative Christian, who has some addictions of his own. Soon, Heather and Dillon’s personal demons - and the way they play off one another - are threatening to undermine their relationships and plans for the future.

(FULL-LENGTH): The world-famous Millennium Engine departs with nine passengers aboard, including Lenora, a girl with a secret past that she's desperate to escape. But when her plans are foiled by ghosts, murder, and the machinations of the Risky Business gang, Lenora must rely on her detective skills to escape the train alive in this steampunk murder-mystery.

5 MINUTE: Ari and Ellis first met in a dream. That means they are about to have a profound and everlasting romance, right? This has to be IT, right?

10 MINUTE: Shelley is escaping from her co-quarantined family when she spots an old walkie-talkie. She talks into it, only to find her neighbor and former best friend, Miles, on the other line. The two initially banter about old memories but the reality begins to seep in - especially when Miles renews his unwanted declarations of love for his childhood friend.

FULL LENGTH: Violet - 'Vee' - is in desperate need of money, as usual (she's one of those 'destitute rich' you've heard so much about from Edith Wharton novels). Without funds, she'll be forced to curtail her wild parties, social engagements, outstanding collection of men's suits, and expensive pursuit of sordid love affairs. In dire straights and strait-laced into a corset, she travels to her Aunt Beryl's rural estate to secure some ready cash. On the way she meets Alice, a potential Great Love, but how can she hope to impress this young woman in her impoverished state and with all these needy relatives around, looking for a handout? A romp in the style of Oscar Wilde (except less subtle with the queer themes).

60 MINUTE: Sasha and Alex are meeting for their umpteenth 'first date' following the death of their husband, to see if they can find a way for their relationship to work with just the two of them. But as the date quickly becomes a disaster, Alex begins to fear that Sasha has mentally moved on. A desperate series of dates forces both Sasha and Alex to comes to terms with their grief and the reality that things must change for them to move forward.

20 MINUTE ONE-ACT: Nikki is anxious about introducing Claudia to her parents - sure, Mom and Dad know that Nikki's gay but they've never met one of her girlfriends, and this is a really big step. To prepare, she does what any nerdy and nervous programmer would do: creates a state-of-the-art AI simulation featuring two (kind of creepy) robots trained on her parents' emails and social media accounts. When the robots' reactions is less than Nikki hoped for, Claudia urges her to forget the simulations and take a chance on real life.

FULL LENGTH: Jay and Meghan both agree: ‘Slaymaker’ is the badassest surname for anyone ever - especially a Magic the Gathering champion (or a champion in the making). But if Meghan is divorcing Jay and writing whiny articles about how tough it is to be a girl in Magic, then is she really entitled to keep using it? Legalities aside, the two decide to resolve their differences through a Magic tournament. If she wins, Meghan gets to keep ‘Slaymaker.’ But if Jay beats her...will anything ever change?

10 MINUTE: One of the world's top superhero leagues has a slot available. With lackluster male heroes and way overqualified female heroes alike vying for a place among these elites, is there even the remotest change a married mom in her 30's stands a chance? Or is there another, better way to save the world?

90 MINUTES: A female cosplayer and a woman dealing with early onset menopause unite to battle some jerks on a metro train. The heroics are awesome, but moving on from the trauma-inducing men in their daily lives proves more difficult. Can Megs and Casey make enough mental and emotional space to fall in love? Or - in true anime fashion - is LOVE what will actually end up saving them both?

10 MINUTE: When their private school bans queer couples at prom, Frankie decides to hold a prom of their own - but no-one comes except Mish, whose three hours late and forgot to bring twinkle lights. As it turns out, Mish has always wanted to go to prom and a party in Frankie's garage wasn't what they were hoping for. But amidst the drooping decorations, the terrible lighting, and Frankie's incessant roller-blading, both realize why prom was so important...and why their school's decision was so 100% FUCKED UP.

60 MINUTE ONE-ACT: Two astronauts from enemy countries are orbiting on the dark side of a distant planet. Suddenly, they experience a cascade of strange events. Alarms go off. Strange entities appear on the monitors. Are these events actually happening? Are they symptoms of isolation? Or is one of the astronauts trying to destroy the other?

(!0 Minute) It's the 1950s and Doris and Gene have the most charming, picture-perfect marriage: a beautiful house, all the latest appliances, and an ancient Lovecraftian monster living in the basement! Ladies, this is why you should always put the sharpest new knives on that wedding registry...

10 MINUTE:
See the title.
(If hearing white men sit around and talk about the 1980s and how great it was and how that's when 'men were men' gives you serious cringe, this might not be the play for you.
Unless it helps that all of their cultural touchstones start coming to life and trying to kill them.
Then you might love it!)

5 MINUTE: Rob and Anna are cleaning out their house after their divorce when Anna finds an unexpected - and unopened - memento of their past.

10 MINUTE: After a string of failed relationships have left her a single parent on Christmas, Jess is determined to hang her own lights but quickly realizes this will be more difficult - even treacherous - than she first thought. Making things even more awkward are the amazing lights and shy advances of her neighbor, Dan, who wants to help but also doesn’t want to get in the way of Jess’ quest for empowerment. When the two of them find themselves stuck on their respective ladders, the two find some camaraderie and comfort in the face of gusting winds and damaged hopes.

Collected monologues from my longer works: Evie & Loren, Remains, Slaymaker, Parlor Games, and Gendered Language.

Age/Gender is not meant to be proscriptive; they are just there for informational purposes. Most of these monologues can be performed by people of any age or gender.