Bethany Dickens Assaf

60 MINUTE ONE-ACT (MIXED MEDIA): Con and Edie are rooftopping the tallest building in the City. Are the epic thrills and selfies worth the risk of dying, getting arrested, and maybe even losing their relationship? Why do they do this shit anyway? When Edie decides she wants to finish the climb alone, they are forced to confront the physical and emotional dangers of their hobby - as well as their increasingly-intimate relationship.

Ellie is the perfect trad wife - she has the cake recipes, the martini glasses, and the perfect home. All she needs now is that man! A real man. A 1950s style man. And if ONE more soft little feminist man tries to enter her vintage dreamworld she’s going to have to ghost him…

FULL LENGTH: Jay and Meghan both agree: ‘Slaymaker’ is the badassest surname for anyone ever - especially a Magic the Gathering champion (or a champion in the making). But if Meghan is divorcing Jay and writing whiny articles about how tough it is to be a girl in Magic, then is she really entitled to keep using it? Legalities aside, the two decide to resolve their differences through a Magic tournament. If she wins, Meghan gets to keep ‘Slaymaker.’ But if Jay beats her...will anything ever change?

60 MINUTE ONE-ACT: Two astronauts from enemy countries are orbiting on the dark side of a distant planet. Suddenly, they experience a cascade of strange events. Alarms go off. Strange entities appear on the monitors. Are these events actually happening? Are they symptoms of isolation? Or is one of the astronauts trying to destroy the other?

(90 MINUTE ONE ACT): Mika, a stay-at-home-mom to a 1-year old, is trying (so stupid hard) to be the perfect trad wife to her partner Christina but it's...not going well. In desperation she asks her Mommy Group for advice - they always seem to put-together and perfect! Mika is shocked when Mommy Group reveal their secret to suburban success - they are actually a coven of witches who use magic to cook, clean, and bake picture-perfect desserts. Should desperate Mika try this route? Will Christine notice??? And what happens when the demonic forces get out of control and summon an ancient monster in the basement?????

ONE-ACT (Approximately 60 minutes): Evie and Loren look like a perfect match when they find each other on Tinder - except she’s his ex-mother-in-law. Willing to re-connect and desperate to have a first ‘date’ that isn’t horrible, Evie agrees to meet with Loren, who is searching for a way back to his ex-wife. Over the course of a date that ends up lasting 24 hours, Evie and Loren learn a lot - too much? - about each other, avoid concerned calls from Evie’s children, and get through about twenty ‘first date’ questions before realizing they might be in danger of doing something that everyone, including about thirty Yahoo Answers contributors and Evie and Loren themselves, find really problematic - falling in love.

FULL-LENGTH: Wren and Kylee are pregnant and newly married, but there are issues - they're only 18, living in a falling-apart house in the suburbs, Kylee can't make decent coffee, and Wren isn't the 'provider' he wants to be. Things get worse when a ghost that looks kinda like Wren's Nana shows up during the only, eleven-minute slice of day when Wren and Kylee actually get to see each other. Will these two metal-heads be able to come together and defeat the spectral figure? Or have they lost too much of themselves to be a part of something bigger?

90 MINUTE ONE ACT: Izzy and Bex officially meet at a Christian youth camp in in 2005. They are immediately drawn to each other, but super-hyper-lift-hands-up-in-worship-Christian Izzy is too afraid of the Rapture to pursue the relationship at first, and Bex isn't really into all that stuff. As they slowly grow closer, they realize they are super-close to falling in love or at least kissing. Will they be able to find a way to make it work or will the spiritual forces - and mean youth groups girls - of this world keep them apart forever?

FULL LENGTH: When her metal-headed ex-husband and friends show up at her door claiming the zombie apocalypse is coming, Elize is...skeptical to say the least. This isn't the first time they've been sure all signs pointed to World War Z (or The Last of Us or The Walking Dead or the best zombie movie ever aka ZOMBIE SHARKS). But as the night progresses, Elize realizes they might be right, and the world ending may foil her last chance to get away from Palm Bay and her deadbeat friends. Maybe that's a good thing? Is fighting side by side with these guys actually where she belongs?

60 MINUTE: Sasha and Alex are meeting for their umpteenth 'first date' following the death of their husband, to see if they can find a way for their relationship to work with just the two of them. But as the date quickly becomes a disaster, Alex begins to fear that Sasha has mentally moved on. A desperate series of dates forces both Sasha and Alex to comes to terms with their grief and the reality that things must change for them to move forward.

(60 MINUTE ONE PERSON SHOW) Rylan is trapped in Anderson, Indiana. Same high school friends. Same parties. Same down-and-out job at the mini-part twelve miles north of town. Same friend, except he's a vampire now, and he's draining Rylan dry.
Rylan wants out.

10 MINUTE: A data scientist maps out a network to predict the complex twists and turns of one of life's most unfathomable mysteries: love. Either way, this is going to end badly.

(!0 Minute) It's the 1950s and Doris and Gene have the most charming, picture-perfect marriage: a beautiful house, all the latest appliances, and an ancient Lovecraftian monster living in the basement! Ladies, this is why you should always put the sharpest new knives on that wedding registry...

TEN MINUTE: As an hellish squid monster wreaks havoc on their city, the superhero known as The Hammer tries to recruit the only hero strong enough to save the world: Bird Girl. But unfortunately, Bird Girl’s signature powers, including flight, aren’t functioning. Convinced this is because of their recent breakup, the Hammer begins a desperate attempt to cheer the hero up, only to find that making someone happy - truly happy - isn’t as simple as she’d always assumed.

TEN MINUTE: Tom is struggling to complete his newest play, but he’s having trouble with the main female character - for years, he’s used Angel as his muse, but times have changed, and she’s locked in a closet. Still, she calls him, a representative symbol of the mythic ‘ideal woman’ across time. Tom eventually releases her, but to a new role: the object of his anger that she is no longer an acceptable representation of the female voice.

TEN MINUTE: Danny, a high school student in 1984, is struggling to find the perfect words to ask his crush, Lisa to prom. His cynical best friend Tara is skeptical that English-speaking people even have enough words to talk about ‘love,’ with all of its many forms and functions. To illustrate her point, Tara takes the audience on a decades-long journey through Danny’s personal and familial history, ending in a realization that the love she and Danny have been looking for is different - and closer - than they expected.

10 MINUTE: Elena is struggling to write a new play, but advice from long-dead writers, belligerent readers, and competing expectations from herself and her parents (i.e.: context) are stifling her creativity. When her best efforts fail, she is forced to confront why she became a writer in the first place.

TEN MINUTE: When Jenn, a new mom, asks her friend Skylar for help, Skylar hatches the perfect plan: Babysitter. Clubs. And shots! Shots! Shots! It'll be just like old times!
But Jenn is stuck searching for her baby's security stuffed animal, and has to pump, and the bathrooms aren't clean, and she can't find that full diaper she put down a second ago, and maybe she doesn't feel like going out????
A play about reevaluating relationships when everything has changed and we can't find the stupid elephant.

(10 minute) Lydia wakes up after a bender to realize she's having an alien encounter with an entity who's never heard of a species where the majority of creatures are 'straight.' Lydia soon realizes she's found what she was always looking for. Is she ready to leave the predominantly heterosexual Earth? Should she feel bad for wanting to?

10 MINUTE: Shelley is escaping from her co-quarantined family when she spots an old walkie-talkie. She talks into it, only to find her neighbor and former best friend, Miles, on the other line. The two initially banter about old memories but the reality begins to seep in - especially when Miles renews his unwanted declarations of love for his childhood friend.

10 MINUTE: It's the Christmas season again, and as usual Melissa is frantically working on giving her son Jayden the 'perfect' Christmas, complete with the 'perfect' gift. But there's a problem - this year, all Jayden wants for Christmas is pizza. Desperate to continue a tradition of outstanding gift-giving - that has potentially become a bit toxic? - Melissa pushes Jayden until he reveals the true reason for his unusual request.

10 MINUTE - Delia and Bekah have been running a public-access, call in Star Trek fan show for-literally-ever (yes, it's the 1990s). But something is off with Bekah lately and it's ruining the vibe. Can Delia deal with her so-called friend, save the show, and give their faithful audience the quality TNG content they need for their Friday night?

FIVE MINUTE: Taylor is breaking up with Jodi...for a really unexpected reason.

(10 MINUTE - plays well with Zoom but can be staged) Holy crap. Andy is in charge of family Christmas this year and in between planning the decorations, getting four trees, and accommodating everyone's dietary needs (Great Aunt Louise is only eating what Jesus ate) she is...overwhelmed. So she does what any modern woman would do: turn to Tik Tok, YouTube, and Pinterest for advice. Can she discover the secret to how all these Influencers are creating the PERFECT Christmas?

TEN MINUTE: Susan is trying to pull up a video of her kids singing 'Happy Birthday' for her father's eighty-first birthday, but it's difficult given they are speaking through a window due to the COVID-19 quarantine. Louis, her father, doesn't make things easier: he's resentful Susan left him at the nursing home and now wants her to break him out.

5 MINUTE: Ari and Ellis first met in a dream. That means they are about to have a profound and everlasting romance, right? This has to be IT, right?

20 MINUTE ONE-ACT: Nikki is anxious about introducing Claudia to her parents - sure, Mom and Dad know that Nikki's gay but they've never met one of her girlfriends, and this is a really big step. To prepare, she does what any nerdy and nervous programmer would do: creates a state-of-the-art AI simulation featuring two (kind of creepy) robots trained on her parents' emails and social media accounts. When the robots' reactions is less than Nikki hoped for, Claudia urges her to forget the simulations and take a chance on real life.

10 MINUTE: When their private school bans queer couples at prom, Frankie decides to hold a prom of their own - but no-one comes except Mish, whose three hours late and forgot to bring twinkle lights. As it turns out, Mish has always wanted to go to prom and a party in Frankie's garage wasn't what they were hoping for. But amidst the drooping decorations, the terrible lighting, and Frankie's incessant roller-blading, both realize why prom was so important...and why their school's decision was so 100% FUCKED UP.

10 MINUTE:
See the title.
(If hearing white men sit around and talk about the 1980s and how great it was and how that's when 'men were men' gives you serious cringe, this might not be the play for you.
Unless it helps that all of their cultural touchstones start coming to life and trying to kill them.
Then you might love it!)

10 MINUTE: One of the world's top superhero leagues has a slot available. With lackluster male heroes and way overqualified female heroes alike vying for a place among these elites, is there even the remotest change a married mom in her 30's stands a chance? Or is there another, better way to save the world?

TEN MINUTE: When Lenora, a competitive swimmer, finds she is being disqualified from a competition because her testosterone levels are unusually high for a woman. This announcement imperils her aspirations as a swimmer and challenges her relationships with friends and family. It also leads Lenora down an introspective look through her life and experiences as a ‘girl.’

FULL LENGTH: Nancy and Gena are two middle-aged women who run a semi-famous true crime podcast named 'Dead Meats.' When Nancy's former student, Harri, returns home from college with a terrible - and, possibly, true - crime story, the three women are pulled into a dark narrative of their own.

FULL LENGTH: Greer has taken her girlfriend Heather, on a ‘relaxing’ trip to a midwestern lakeside cabin, with the intent of helping Heather relax and get off alcohol before they begin fertilization treatments, but the tensions build when it becomes obvious to Greer that sobering up Heather - a fully in-denial alcoholic - won’t be an easy task. Making things awkward is the sudden arrival of Dillon, Greer’s cousin, and a bisexual conservative Christian, who has some addictions of his own. Soon, Heather and Dillon’s personal demons - and the way they play off one another - are threatening to undermine their relationships and plans for the future.

FULL LENGTH: Violet - 'Vee' - is in desperate need of money, as usual (she's one of those 'destitute rich' you've heard so much about from Edith Wharton novels). Without funds, she'll be forced to curtail her wild parties, social engagements, outstanding collection of men's suits, and expensive pursuit of sordid love affairs. In dire straights and strait-laced into a corset, she travels to her Aunt Beryl's rural estate to secure some ready cash. On the way she meets Alice, a potential Great Love, but how can she hope to impress this young woman in her impoverished state and with all these needy relatives around, looking for a handout? A romp in the style of Oscar Wilde (except less subtle with the queer themes).

90 MINUTES: A female cosplayer and a woman dealing with early onset menopause unite to battle some jerks on a metro train. The heroics are awesome, but moving on from the trauma-inducing men in their daily lives proves more difficult. Can Megs and Casey make enough mental and emotional space to fall in love? Or - in true anime fashion - is LOVE what will actually end up saving them both?

5 MINUTE: Rob and Anna are cleaning out their house after their divorce when Anna finds an unexpected - and unopened - memento of their past.

10 MINUTE: After a string of failed relationships have left her a single parent on Christmas, Jess is determined to hang her own lights but quickly realizes this will be more difficult - even treacherous - than she first thought. Making things even more awkward are the amazing lights and shy advances of her neighbor, Dan, who wants to help but also doesn’t want to get in the way of Jess’ quest for empowerment. When the two of them find themselves stuck on their respective ladders, the two find some camaraderie and comfort in the face of gusting winds and damaged hopes.

Collected monologues from my longer works: Evie & Loren, Remains, Slaymaker, Parlor Games, and Gendered Language.

Age/Gender is not meant to be proscriptive; they are just there for informational purposes. Most of these monologues can be performed by people of any age or gender.